thoughts from the dirtiest kid on the bus

I' on a greyhound right now, headed to NYC. When I get there I'll head home a tiny bit then I'm off to Cali later in the day.
I was in spending the weekend with Ithaca, which was bumpier than I imagined it would have been, but overall a good time and definitely a learning experience.
Ithaca feels we're to dissimilar to be in the same type of couple relationship we were in before, I didn't take it well at first, apparently it's been on her mind a bit but she couldn't bring herself to tell me or something along those lines...
We went out with some friends of her's and I felt jealous and sad and anti-social and insecure the whole time. It didn't help that we went to a loud bar to stand around doing nothing. I eventually left and climbed and explored the area on my own, I just couldn't stand it.
Yesterday was much better we watched a movie, hung around the house, went to an anti-fracking social thing. In the night I accidentally fell and broke a stair, Ithaca's criticism affects me so much more than most other people's would and I didn't tell her but still feeling pretty insecure about myself and feeling like I was getting shot down all the time I almost cried just from getting criticized, :(
Things finished on a good note in the end and we've agreed to stay good friends, I definitely need to have some close friends I can count on, I was thinking about it and what I need right now is more core self confidence in the sense that I generally feel good about myself, having spent so much time with Ithaca made that an external thing coming through outside affirmation when originally it was something completely internal in that I could feel great in a room where everyone hated me. The other thing I need is good friends I trust and can talk to about everything, I mean at the moment, besides Ithaca and a few random friends I periodically reach out to, there isn't any one person I can talk to about everything, no person I feel comfortable enough to cry in front of or ask for a long hug from when I feel like shit, I want friends who come to me with their issues if not for advice then at least for support. I can't just make those overnight, but it's def something I'm going to try to develop.