There's some cool train tracks by the house and an abandoned building I have yet to check out. I'll see about the building soon enough but the tracks are pretty fun the few times I've been.
Stuff is going good with Veera (person I'm kissing). The anarchist bookfair was good times, ran into friends from outta town and went to a number of parties connected to the book fair. Also kids came up from Halifax to go to the bookfair.
and now me bitching about drama. So those kids from Halifax, well they're cool and hot (yay) on the second night they were here we all went to a party and S left early with someone hot. I hung out with L for a bit who seemed unhappy with the party so went home after a short while. Walking home was talking, talking was hanging out, hanging out was sitting on bed, sitting was cuddling, we ended up kissing for a bit and falling asleep. Wake up next day go to permaculture and come home afterward. L is being really cold and distant, no explanation from "what's up?" and "are you ok?", well then. Anyways we all go out to see a punk show and hang out really late at this punk house, there's tension between L and I the while time and after the show while we're all hanging out L kissed this other person. Later in the night we're getting ready to leave L is excited and telling me about how cute person they kissed is, that's great and all and I'm not one to expect monogamy, but communication I guess I expect standard, that shouldn't be too much to hope for...
Anyways permaculture is going great and I'm excited with it so that's good and also we're gonna have a rad party here soon.

Parties and poly

Parties last night, one at Spaghetti's house and one here at the coop (I still haven't left). The thing at Spaghetti's house was a folk show, I didn't stay for the music but I did hang out with a lot of fun peeps. Spaghetti and I talked a bit ahead of time and she wanted to hit on a friend of her's from class who was coming over so I kinda stayed outta her way for that. I had great conversations with Flash, about projects and potental and the semi immediate future.
Me and him walked to the coop afterward and ran into a bunch of people there. The party was fuckin rad ass shit! At around 3 the cops came to break it up and kick everyone out, which only led to a temporary dispersal. I came back afterward, socialized a bit and then went to sleep in Igs room with a friend, Igs had passed out but we checked in with her and kept an eye on her the whole night and she was alright. I fell asleep trying to figure out how I felt about Spaghetti and her hitting on other people.
I thought I'd feel hurt, or something, but not really, I felt only a tiny bit uncomfortable and not much more. I read her blog earlier today (it's public and she knows I'm reading it, not some creepy status don't worry) and I don't think anything happened with her and her classmate...
Not sure if I'm actually relieved or if I'm iunno, don't care but in a live and let live way. Let it be know that I do give the proverbial fuck about Spaghetti, she is, very much an awesome person and I'm pretty excited about how much I like her.
Person who I shared a bed with/cuddled with last night was pretty cool and I'm not gonna pretend I don't have a crush on her (among so many others), aside from cuddling not much happened. I considered offering a kiss in the morning as she left but decided against it, I'm not sure how she feels about me and I know I'll run into her often enough that I only want to try that if I'm confident that it'll work out, can't go about losing cool people as friends just because I think they're cute.
Oh also I fixed a flat on my bike and am probably gonna move into the coop at some point in the summer or spring...

mohawks and music

Yesterday was pretty awesome. Kunoichi cut my hair into a mohawk which I am rocking right now. Not something I expected to happen but it's fun anyways. We had people over, a girl who was here for one of the kung fu movie/dumpster food nights and her friend and an old roomie. We all went out to see a pamplamoose's (sp?) free show. I thought it would be whatever at first and initially it was but as it went on the songs got pretty awesome!
Ran into some school friends at the show which was cool. We all walked back to the house afterward and hung out a bit. Reading over this it doesn't sound too exciting but it was good times...

Spam and bread...

...taste like shit, I'd never pay for it, dumpstered/free stuff is supposed to taste better so I can't even how disgusting spam would taste if I PAID for it. Yesterday went to the beach, watched all of Fooly Cooly, which makes no sense, but I apparently have to watch it again to understand anything.
I'm excited to go to Montreal soon.

Thoughts and events since my last post

I'm writing from a hotel room in San Diego, California. I'm here with my dad, he got us here for free with his frequent mile.
Stuff I did so far: Eat large amounts of unhealthy vegetarian and non-vegetarian food.
Visit a friend at Occidental (free water bottle)
Dumpster some bread and popcorn
Think about Evasion
Spend large amounts of time in a car
Think about stuff with Ithaca
Think about the year I'm going to spend in Montreal
Watch a lot of Miyazaki anime
Finish the zine "There is a Danger"
Meet family members that live in California
Go to a beach
Visit Tijuana, Mexico
Go volunteer/watch a movie at the Che Cafe at the UCSD
Hang out in downtown San Diego
Explore sexuality
Eat a bit more healthfully
Tomorrow we'll maybe go to the zoo or the beach or ride horses...

thoughts from the dirtiest kid on the bus

I' on a greyhound right now, headed to NYC. When I get there I'll head home a tiny bit then I'm off to Cali later in the day.
I was in spending the weekend with Ithaca, which was bumpier than I imagined it would have been, but overall a good time and definitely a learning experience.
Ithaca feels we're to dissimilar to be in the same type of couple relationship we were in before, I didn't take it well at first, apparently it's been on her mind a bit but she couldn't bring herself to tell me or something along those lines...
We went out with some friends of her's and I felt jealous and sad and anti-social and insecure the whole time. It didn't help that we went to a loud bar to stand around doing nothing. I eventually left and climbed and explored the area on my own, I just couldn't stand it.
Yesterday was much better we watched a movie, hung around the house, went to an anti-fracking social thing. In the night I accidentally fell and broke a stair, Ithaca's criticism affects me so much more than most other people's would and I didn't tell her but still feeling pretty insecure about myself and feeling like I was getting shot down all the time I almost cried just from getting criticized, :(
Things finished on a good note in the end and we've agreed to stay good friends, I definitely need to have some close friends I can count on, I was thinking about it and what I need right now is more core self confidence in the sense that I generally feel good about myself, having spent so much time with Ithaca made that an external thing coming through outside affirmation when originally it was something completely internal in that I could feel great in a room where everyone hated me. The other thing I need is good friends I trust and can talk to about everything, I mean at the moment, besides Ithaca and a few random friends I periodically reach out to, there isn't any one person I can talk to about everything, no person I feel comfortable enough to cry in front of or ask for a long hug from when I feel like shit, I want friends who come to me with their issues if not for advice then at least for support. I can't just make those overnight, but it's def something I'm going to try to develop.

movement

Flo is here still, she's leaving tomorrow morning, I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon. I'm headed up to Ithaca's place for the weekend, then I head back here to catch a plane to Cali for a week. After that week, I'll be back here again and either Ithaca will drive me up to MTL or I'll take a train.
I have a shit ton of zines from printing them at work (fo free!!!) so I'm excited to read them all and show them to peeps. The squat garden got shut down, showed up the other day to find the composter taken apart and half the lot completely cleared, I'd stick around and keep using it and fight for it and all that, but I'm not around here long enough for that, since I'm you know, leaving tomorrow...
All my stuff is packed, I'm not sure what to expect at Ithaca's, I feel that distance and both of us leading busy yet relatively uneventful lives has somewhat deteriorated communications, though we're making an effort, I'd like to think being around each other physically will make things super awesome again.
The free store is blowing up a lot, news stations from other countries wanna do things with it. It's too bad that I met T and got into a bunch of cool anarchist projects only to leave so soon, I'll definitely pick it again when I'm here for the winter. Solidarity.
Oh, also I made a cool bracelet out of an old brown shoelace I had lying around.

Visitors, guests and garbage

V left, he ran his race and came in 3rd in his wave of 250 people, good stuff I think.
Now Flo is here, she called me on my cell while I was at work and asked if she could stay here a bit and told her yea. Nothing too exciting as of yet, went to grub on sunday with V, dumpstered tonight with Flo. and I'll visit Ithaca this weekend which I'm kinda excited for. Montreal soon, which is also exciting, Cali even sooner but I don't really care about Cali that much, dunno why...
Also the squat garden is gonna die methinks, the composter was taken apart, a lot of the weedy areas were cleared and the pallets from the composter were tossed into the garden part of the lot.

talkin trash

Today was pretty alright I must say. I found out a friend wants to open a squat in NYC, probably Brooklyn, so I'll help him with that if I'm around. I went and watered, pulled weeds, added compost in the garden. Read books at home, ate dumpstered stuff.
At 1PM I was at Bluestockings getting interviewed. Interviewed? about what you ask? Initially just dumpstering, but of course it led to discussion about politics (read: anarchism), economics (read: anti-capitalism/gift economies) subculture (read: subculture) and generally just interesting stuff. When it's all done (it's for a book) I'll get a transcript, and I'll probably try to get my hands on the book it's in as well when it's out. I probably have some time before then. Until then though, I'll just uh, work at the Brooklyn free store, enjoy summer BBQs and do Food not Bombs!
Also yesterday went to see a Books through Bars movie screening/benefit. Brought a bunch of food along; some trash some taken from work, was okay. The fun part was dumpstering on the way home, check the picture.

Trash, food and foreigners

Weekend was pretty super awesome as was tonight.
Sunday, woke up around 11ish and read a bit, Bigs was asleep on a mattress we set out for him. After getting up and eating a tiny breakfast we biked over to ABC no Rio for Food not Bombs. We got there a bit late, but hadn't missed out on much, apparently no one brought food so nothing got cooked. However there were cupcake tops so we each had one and then gave out the rest at Tompkins Square Park. There was a show there but the people in the band that was about to play were fuckers, they were badmouthing homeless people and crust punks and generally being lame and obnoxious, needless to say we quickly left. There was a couple (Change and Burn) from Toronto, we talked about the G20 and punk houses and it turns out they know Green Boots, it also turns out I should check out Death Church in Montreal because it's supposed to be awesome. We parted but only after finding out we'd meet each other at Grub later anyway.
Me and Bigs went to Bluestockings because I wanted to put up a flyer about the squat garden (I'd put one up at ABC no Rio as well). We ended up just chilling there for a bit reading. Went home and napped and felt hungry (cup cake tops just aren't gonna you know, cut it).
post nap: left on the bike, stop at chain pharmacy, buy shoelaces, left hand snack food and chapstick :) Arrive at Grub after only minor confusion. Grub is awesome as usual, meet people, eat food, keep talking to Change and Burn (they're down to host me if I'm ever in Toronto), agree to buy them a band shirt and deliver it somehow when I'm in Montreal. One person I talked to I'm gonna see this Saturday, she wants to interview me about dumpstering and freeganism though I don't like the term.
Today I went to work (bleh), my mom got me a digital camera (expect to start seeing pictures on this blog more often now). We stopped in the Lower East Side to try to find a newspaper, according to Burn I'm in a picture at the Star Fucking Hipster show, but we failed at finding it. It's cool though I saw NinjaSonik hanging out in the street! Got home, read a bit, went and dumpstered at Trader Joe's, returned home with ridiculous amounts of food. Ride Bikes, Eat Trash!
(I should finish making/writing my zine)

Since, Bigs and bad parties

Friday: Went to work, worked, lunch break (left handed a meal), worked more, got off work, biked to Bluestockikngs and worked on my zine, it's not done yet but almost. It's gonna be called "Ride Bikes Eat Trash" and will be about whatever I feel at the moment I'm writing it. After writing (and reading) a bit I looked at the time and decided to head north again. You see my plan was to meet Since (yes I was finally able to get into contact with her) after her work and then hang out and do something. Biked up, met her and we decided to go to a free concert in Brooklyn. Taking the train with my bike always makes me feel strange. The concert was good times, the music was awesome rock with a really intense lead singer/guitar and there was an great great violin. The one thing that bugged me was that I couldn't kiss Since, she wasn't down because sitting behind us was a group of people she know and would have felt weird kissing in front of. Affection, I realize how much I like and desire it while Ithaca was in Colorado.
Anyways, after the concert me Since and her mom went to eat in a dinner which led to interesting conversation in which I you know, made sure I didn't talk about stealing, anarchy and digging through trash so I wouldn't alienate everyone but myself (talking about bikes is okay though). Biked home after food and slept after some internet.
Saturday: Wake up, waste time online, go the work on garden; change list online, water plants, make fliers build a composter out of pallets. Returned home and gathered all the zines I posses (not that many) and bike into Williamsburg for a mini zine fest (even saw some anarchist graffiti on the way, which I of course surrounded with my own anarchist stickers). When I first go to the place I was kinda disheartened by how small it was but quickly started interesting conversations with the zinesters, talked about superheros, art, finding stuff, bad boyfriends alla that. I picked up a(n anarcha-)feminist zine and sat down to read it when the girl behind the table yelled to me that it wasn't free, I reassured her that I just wanted to check it out and that I would return it to her. After skimming for a few minutes I brought her the zine and told her I wouldn't rob her because that's fucked up, she let me keep the zine I was touched, a free zine? for me? aww shucks. I checked out the other tables and not much politics going on, mostly artsy things and personal artsy things. I went back to the feminist zine table and traded a copy of "Fighting for our Lives" for the second and third issues of the zine I got for free (it's called Hoax if you're interested). I left the zine fest shortly afterward.
At home I showed my mom the zines, and we ate Mexican food across the street. During the meal I realized I was late to meet up with Bigs and a few other friends, I finished my meal quickly and biked there fast...
Turns out I was the first on there. I waited around and read Hoax. When everyone convened we walked into the park and sat within hearing range of the music and just chilled on a blanket. Afterward it was food time (oh noes, only $10 and I had planned on using that to get in a party later tonight), we were gonna eat at a Chinese restaurant. Luckily for me one of our friends had to go to a neighbors' of hers and watch a dog, we all agreed to order our stuff take out and eat there. At that point I decided fuck it, I'm still not gonna pay for food, on the way to the neighbors we stopped at a supermarket, I bought a plum and left handed a microwave Indian diner.
Speaking of awesome free stuff, on the way to meet our friend's we found spray paint and acrylic paint in someones trash, gonna have to start writing things on walls soon. Ate and hung out at the neighbors house a bit and then Bigs and I left to go to a party. We had a hard time finding it and were lucky when a person from the neighborhood told us the correct address. We climbed up too roofs before finding the "rooftop party" in the basement of a building, but it's okay, because even though it took forever to find, and kinda really sucked once we got inside, we didn't pay cover since we entered through the back :)
Today is gonna be Food not Bombs and Grub community dinner, woop woop.

Biking to work, hanging with Ithaca and meeting anarchists

This week has had it's ups and downs since Saturday. Ithaca was here, she left this morning and I won't see her until the end of August, (we're going camping and then she's dropping me off in MTL while she brings her stuff home). Her being here was really cool, but I felt strange and was sad a lot because I felt that I liked her a lot more than she liked me (which of course wasn't the case), which happens I guess when you're thinking to much and not talking enough. Communication it's still a ridiculously important thing, for serious, if you interact with people learn to communicate well! What did we do? Food not Bombs, really really free market,bike around, hang out at bluestockings, read zines at ABC no Rio, read zines at home, yea I know, but believe me when I tell you that Ithaca isn't anarcho-punk, I guess she's just down like that.
I'm working now, :( I have a job. I work at the French Consulate. I make calls and look at papers and doing nothing interesting (except slack to read Evasion every now and then). I bike to work ('cept today because of rain and heat) which is the best part, I cover like 100 blocks in anywhere between 30 and 45 minutes including the Manhattan Bridge, so that's usually the funnest part about my work. I've decided that I'm only gonna buy vegetarian food, no money towards meat as of before yesterday I think or maybe it was Friday I decided either way though I'm not ready to only buy vegan, what about cheese you know?
Right now I'm waiting for food to arrive (yea I know, but hear me out, it's to early to dumpster, nothing to cook in the fridge and I'm not gonna start shoplifting hardcore from the supermarket across the street from my parents house, that's bad form), then I'll probably head to anarchist black cross to send out books and probably run into this guy I met there last time that also does food not bombs, he seems pretty chill and seems like the kinda guy I can count on to get into trouble doing anarchist stuff (read: wheatpaste). Also the Squat garden is progressing nicely.

Star Fucking Hipsters and arrivals

Went to an awesome show with Crisis and a friend of his, was a bunch of local bands (including the infamous) Star Fucking Hipsters. We moshed and skanked and moshed and skanked, until the music stopped. Afterward I went home on my bike hoping Ithaca would be back, she wasn't, but after maybe 15 or 30 minutes she walks into my room and I smiled. She'll probably be home by Tuesday which is soon which I think sucks but whatever.

Work and a show

I have a job!
I'll get paid a lot and I'll have something cool to put on my resume woop woop.
Now I get to bike from Brooklyn to 73rd street every weekday (and bike back home too).
I get to wear fancy formal clothes.
I can even sit in an office all day and hang with my two pals phone and computer, they're machines!
I'll never have to worry about what to do with all the time between 9AM and 5PM ever again (on a weekday, I dread the boredom I'll experience on the weekend).

I got a job at the French Consulate, I'm sure it won't be that bad.
I went and saw Yula Berri and the Extended Family tonight, it's "romantic punk" which sounds pretty awesome, kinda a mix of ska, punk, the Spin Doctors, horror movie sound tracks and a few elements I can not name.

Excited for Saturday, punk show with Cipher and Crisis (but no traveling in August with Cipher since I have work now), Ithaca gets back, and probably going clubbing :D

I got some books and stuff worked out

Crimethinc books came in the mail today, I got Off the Map, Evasion, Recipes for Disaster and some copies of Fighting for our Lives along with all the stickers, posters and other goodies that Crimethinc sends away with all their packages.
I couldn't really enjoy it though because I felt like complete and utter shit. Had talked to Ithaca online the night before and the conversation ended abruptly and badly. I felt terrible all morning and for the first time in I don't know how long I curled up and did nothing but cry. I sent way more emails than I received. In the end I went out and did stuff (only because I had to). Took my sister to the hair dresser, watered the squat garden and went to buy formal clothes with my mother for a job I might get.
Got back home and checked my mail. Ithaca had sent me a number where I could contact her and we talked, she knows how I feel, I know how she feels, things are back to normal. Not feeling like shit is pretty great I must say.

Hunting, eating and talking

Today was super awesome although a bit disheartening immediately before writing this.
Manhunt on governor's island. Was great fun, Shorty was there along with a bunch of other friends. We played a round in this old fort before getting kicked out, then played two rounds in a field. 'twas a blast. Caught lotsa people, got caught, ran around and even jumped over stuff. Talked to a friend from Capture the Flag and she's gonna take me to a show to hear some "romantic punk" music which is a new genre apparently, looking forward to a show. Left kinda early to go to Grub.
What is Grub? Grub is an awesome community dinner held twice monthly by an anarchist collective. Food is mostly dumpstered and mostly vegan. I picked up two zines and some food and everyone ate on the roof. At first I was slow in socializing and meeting people but I had told and hear a bunch of awesome stories by the end of the night. I traded phone numbers with people and hope to see them again. Biked home feeling happy (and super hot, because of the heat and my ridiculous social skills).
Got home talked to Ithaca online and she's unhappy, why you ask, from what I can tell the fact that I'm not very jealous or super shocked or something means that I'm either a robot or I don't give a shit. From what I can tell neither of those are true. Yea I'm usually detached, but that doesn't mean I don't care, maybe it means I'm a robot...
Iunno, we'll see.
:-/

Local, organic, mutual aid and travel

Went down to the garden about an hour ago to water the plants, a neighbor and her daughter saw us walking with the watering cans and came along to see how the garden was. She was telling us about getting grants and possibly buying the lot from the city or owner for $1 since it's been abandoned for years. After we finish watering it we're standing around talking and some guy rolls buy on a skate board and asks who's lot it is, it's a squat. He tells us he's down to help out and has a truck and experience and some people who would be down to help out which is cool. I passed him my number and later he called and we decided to set something up for later in the week. It's cool to just get help like that, visibility helps a lot I guess.
Also talked to Cipher a bit and we're gonna travel around a bit in August, set aside the 1st until the 20th. We want to do the Anarchy Summer Camp (http://selfdescribed.org/?p=447) and then do the Western Maryland Zine Fest (http://news.infoshop.org/article.php?story=20100607002621901) then come home. We'll probably hitch there and back. It's be cool to find some people heading there or back to NY though to make things easier but if it doesn't happen than whatever.

Dirt and glass

Hung out at home all morning, tried giving Virgil a call but he was asleep, never called back, whatever. Since told me last night to expect a call from her so we could meet up and hang out at the MoMA, but you know it's Since and all our plans seem to fall through...
Only one thing to do, go the squat garden with my sister. We moved out more debris, turned most of the earth and-
Wait, phone call from Since, basically: come to the MoMA, there's a documentary. Oooh okay, sounds like a plan.
Head home, remove sneakers, put tools away, wipe away some dirt, prepare to leave while explaining plan to my mother and she's sayin-
Wait phone call from Since, basically: the movie is full, umm iunno, yea ok I'll call you when it's over (I guess she's still in the movie...)
Return to the squat garden with plants and sister and water and mom and tools. Finish turning the earth. Make a pathway from discarded bricks and rocks, cut finger on glass, dig holes and plant things, add water, take picture, go home, half expect Since to give a call, eat dinner, stay upstairs and read a bit (the phone has reception there and you know Since might call :-/ ), lose patience and go down stairs, hope Ithaca is online, have to tell her about possible change in plans for the day she gets back, check random websites, get inspired to travel, send a message to Cipher about potential travel, read a bit more, write blog...
Here's a pic of the squat garden so far: except the uploader put it at the top so yea...
Haven't been feeling as upbeat and awesome as of late, can't pinpoint why, *shrug*
Oh also, talked to Pagoda online about squatting got some tips which was cool :)

Cancelled plans and free movies

Today's plan was as follows:
See Since
watch a movie together
cuddle
feel less shitty
Today actually happened as follows:
Call Since about once an hour until approximately 7, at which point I had decided that I'd leave to the Anarchist Black Cross and possibly meet up with Wedge at a party. So roll out on a bike to Anarchist Black Cross (ABC)and hang out there, spent most of the time there learning the basics of their set up and wrapping dictionaries in brown paper to send to prisoners. A guy showed up and told me that the ABC no Rio Food not Bombs was up and running which is good news to me (I'll go next next Sunday, this Sunday is Manhunt, hopefully Crisis will show up). When ABC ended I gave Wedge a call and asked about the party, he said it was dying and that they'd probably go see a movie (shit yo! movies cost money) I told him I'd show up, but that I was broke as fuck.
At the party we just talked and hung I recognized and conversed with a few familiar faces. Then we all got kicked out (time is up) and headed to some bar, hung out there for a while just kicking it (I still don't drink, straight edge since forever yo). After the bar people started heading toward the movie, I wanted to bounce at this point but was told we would see it FO FREE! so I stuck around. On the way to the theatre Since gave a call and apologized for standing me up which I told her was okay because I didn't sit around at home doing nothing anyway. Also on the way there I ran into some friends and one of them told me a cool place to get messenger work so I'll check that out. Got to the theatre, put our bikes inside because we're fancy like that (you know how we do on some VIP shit up in here, lol 'cept not) and walked into the room to watch Inception for free. It was an awesome movie, see it (I'm encouraging you to see it, not necessarily to pay for it). It's kinda a mind fuck throughout especially the ending, watch out.
Afterward just rode home while I was on the phone with my mom, riding mostly with no hands. Made me realize how fast I am, made it home in like ten minutes going slow with no hands, imagine how fast I would've been tearing it up with handle bar usage and no phone pressed to my ear!
Home now, gonna read some "Tales of a Punk Rock Nothing" which just came in the mail today or yesterday, I don't remember and then hit the sack. Also supposed to meet up with Since tomorrow and go to a museum, in the morning I'll probably work on the garden with Virgil if he's down. I'll see...

feeling shitty

At first I wasn't going to write this and I felt like writing this in a notebook and starting a journal (reading "Tales of a Punk Rock Nothing" make me wanna start a journal), but I decided fuck it, I mean no one reads this and the people who do I trust (yea I trust you, be flattered). Why do I feel shitty?
I think it's a combination of the following (in no particular order):
Feeling distant from Ithaca
Not being able to see Since because of shitty logistics
Not having the same crew of friends as in Montreal (I need to make some literally rad friends)
Having spent a night in jail and consequently not feeling the shoplifting thing as much and of course the general shittyness of that whole situation in general
Knowing that Ithaca is probably gonna start seeing someone (this I feel is stupid, I mean I gotta walk the walk if I talk the talk, I'm surprised this is even part the shit that's getting to me, I guess it's because the feeling distant is also here that it's getting to me)
Feeling lonely despite efforts to be social
I kinda just want someone to give me a huge hug and kiss and really mean it. I tried to cry but I can't, maybe gender socialization is deeply ingrained in me, maybe I'm just not sad enough to cry, I don't remember the last time I cried, is that healthy?
Hopefully I'll see Since later today and tell her about the shitty night in jail and cuddle in front of a movie and maybe do other things. If I can't contact her at 7 I'm gonna go to the Anarchist Black Cross to hang out there; meet people, make new friends, find people who might be down to garden in the squat garden. I gotta call Virgil and ask if he wants to work on it tomorrow. I should probably look at the bike messenger dude that Cipher's dad told me about.
I'm thinking I'll be less sad if I have work, but at the same time that's pretty shitty, it won't mean stuff is less shitty it just means I won't notice it as much, which is, you know, a great way to make the world a better place, just kinda stop seeing all the problems...
Maybe I got too used to Ithaca being around and making me feel good. In Montreal when I was seeing Pagoda and Ice Cream and Ithaca, I never dealt with stuff like this, I guess it just didn't come up. Iunno, I've always felt that poly was good for me because it kept me balanced, never too worried about any one relationship because I knew that at the end of the day there was always someone I could hold/who could hold me. Not that I don't want to be in any kind of invested relationship, that's not it, I really like what is going on with Ithaca and I, it's been since April that we've been seeing each other which is longer than I've ever been with anyone before and it's nice. There are ups and downs but they seem worth it. I feel as though I'm ranting, but not even sure what about...
I wanna squat a building, open a community center, never pay rent, do food not bombs, and generally spread what I consider to be anarchist alternatives to the shitty capitalist bull that's happening now. I mean it could totally be worse. I guess I'm just discouraged a bit from doing anything illegal because of the arrest, and the finger prints and the photos and the getting busted shoplifting it all took place to close to each other. I shoulda stole the map of Manhattan, I would of totally gotten away with it and it would've kept my theft-confidence up...
I'll see what's up with what...
writing this felt good, if you read this you're awesome I guess...