I dumpstered soo many eggs, no really like,probably 90 something of them! All from the supermarket dumpster.
Went to a show last night, it was good times, Igs showed up late and then after her TKJ and Rainbow showed as well it was great. Cerebral Ballzy played, their some band from Brooklyn which was nice. After the show we hung out in the bar that is also part of the venue, some underground probably illegal bar that's awesome to just sit around in.
Talked to Ithaca a bit online, nothing too special just updating each other, I always feel a bit strange/sad after talking to her. Like I want us to be friends, but I don't want to feel shitty at the same time I don't want to abandon the whole thing, iunno...
Stuff is strange for her I think.
Showing posts with label Ithaca. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ithaca. Show all posts
Friday, October 15, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
misinterpretation
Talking to Ithaca progressed as the day continued, it all seemed good until I got a poem from her, she wrote it herself.
Some context, after explaining the story of everything that happened with me and Ithaca to Barracuda I kinda realized that I had been in an abusive relationship, I didn't want to call it such, because I didn't want to be a survivor, I didn't want to call Ithaca a perpetrator. I guess I knew it but just didn't want to admit it to myself, anyways what happened happened, can't change the past...
Anyways, back to the poem, it was basically Ithaca saying that she was abusive mostly, but a small part explained how she coped with treating me badly; by viewing me badly and the way it was described was way more than I could take. I took it as a personal attack and felt really shitty, I went to Banana (a roomie of mine) and cried and told her about it, and she's the one that made me see that it wasn't written with malicious intent (Ithaca hadn't explained this to me and didn't want to talk about it...) it made less shitty feeling.
I told Ithaca my new interpretation in an email, I hope it's correct and she didn't see me as a disgusting person...
Some context, after explaining the story of everything that happened with me and Ithaca to Barracuda I kinda realized that I had been in an abusive relationship, I didn't want to call it such, because I didn't want to be a survivor, I didn't want to call Ithaca a perpetrator. I guess I knew it but just didn't want to admit it to myself, anyways what happened happened, can't change the past...
Anyways, back to the poem, it was basically Ithaca saying that she was abusive mostly, but a small part explained how she coped with treating me badly; by viewing me badly and the way it was described was way more than I could take. I took it as a personal attack and felt really shitty, I went to Banana (a roomie of mine) and cried and told her about it, and she's the one that made me see that it wasn't written with malicious intent (Ithaca hadn't explained this to me and didn't want to talk about it...) it made less shitty feeling.
I told Ithaca my new interpretation in an email, I hope it's correct and she didn't see me as a disgusting person...
Monday, October 4, 2010
Ghosts of Boyfriends past or something like that...
Today, I dumpstered a ton of couscous and two melons and apple strudel and I cut my hair. However I wanna write about me talking to Ithaca. We spoke a bit online and it was much easier than I expected and kinda a relief at the same time.
Turns out we felt a lot of the same things, we missed each other, we were unhappy because the other seemed happy (clearly we're stalking each other online). She's taking a short vacation to NB with her boss and his wife, seems healthy for her, like the father she never had.
She appreciated that I took care of her and was nice and realizes that she focused on a lot of small annoying things (not gonna deny that I did lots of small annoying things). I wanna keep in touch.
It wasn't as hard as scary as I thought it would be, was scary in the approach but I'm glad at where I am.
Turns out we felt a lot of the same things, we missed each other, we were unhappy because the other seemed happy (clearly we're stalking each other online). She's taking a short vacation to NB with her boss and his wife, seems healthy for her, like the father she never had.
She appreciated that I took care of her and was nice and realizes that she focused on a lot of small annoying things (not gonna deny that I did lots of small annoying things). I wanna keep in touch.
It wasn't as hard as scary as I thought it would be, was scary in the approach but I'm glad at where I am.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Bad dream
I woke up from a bad dream. I was strange, here's what I remember:
we (me and a couple friends from NY) were throwing a party at a house, but first we went outside (we were in the mountains somewhere sunny with very few clouds). Outside we walked along grassy plains and the ground was steep. At one point we saw a short wide (purple and black?) cylinder that flashed a dull light, somehow I knew it was a bomb and I hit the deck a grabbed a nearby pole (what's a pole doing on a mountain?). The bomb exploded loudly but the shock wave came a bit afterward and almost knocked me off a cliff. After that we were inside.
Inside people were showing up to the party and it was alright, after wandering a bit I found a small room where a few friends were about to swim, I asked someone's parent (they owned the pool) if it was okay for me to swim naked and they were down, I swam around in this really shallow pool that seemed like it was basically a normal room with about a foot of water in it. There may have been more, but I don't remember it.
This part I remember well and it scared me and made me mad. I was biking somewhere with Ithaca (not sure how since she wasn't doubling and didn't have her own bike). We stopped on a street that was under construction and just looked around and watched a steam roller compress the ground. Shortly after an invisible rider, rode by and left their bike in the street (this was completely normal to us). A bit later Ithaca rode away on the invisible person's bike! I walked around a bit to find her and came back to see my own bike stolen (by the invisible person). I told Ithaca that she got my bike stolen and why did she take the invisible person's bike? She seemed to feel bad but didn't care too much, apparently in that dream it wasn't the first time she had gotten my bike stolen.
At that point I started to run, down a street that seemed like Ontario st in Montreal, it was night and it was raining lightly. I may have been looking for my bike, not too sure. I passed a sporting goods store and saw a woman walking out with orange and purple spandex and a helmet walking the same bike that Ithaca had taken earlier it was the invisible rider, now walking around visible, she gave me a strange look but I kept running down the street. I passed a bike rack thing (where people lock their bikes in the city) and my bike wasn't there...
we (me and a couple friends from NY) were throwing a party at a house, but first we went outside (we were in the mountains somewhere sunny with very few clouds). Outside we walked along grassy plains and the ground was steep. At one point we saw a short wide (purple and black?) cylinder that flashed a dull light, somehow I knew it was a bomb and I hit the deck a grabbed a nearby pole (what's a pole doing on a mountain?). The bomb exploded loudly but the shock wave came a bit afterward and almost knocked me off a cliff. After that we were inside.
Inside people were showing up to the party and it was alright, after wandering a bit I found a small room where a few friends were about to swim, I asked someone's parent (they owned the pool) if it was okay for me to swim naked and they were down, I swam around in this really shallow pool that seemed like it was basically a normal room with about a foot of water in it. There may have been more, but I don't remember it.
This part I remember well and it scared me and made me mad. I was biking somewhere with Ithaca (not sure how since she wasn't doubling and didn't have her own bike). We stopped on a street that was under construction and just looked around and watched a steam roller compress the ground. Shortly after an invisible rider, rode by and left their bike in the street (this was completely normal to us). A bit later Ithaca rode away on the invisible person's bike! I walked around a bit to find her and came back to see my own bike stolen (by the invisible person). I told Ithaca that she got my bike stolen and why did she take the invisible person's bike? She seemed to feel bad but didn't care too much, apparently in that dream it wasn't the first time she had gotten my bike stolen.
At that point I started to run, down a street that seemed like Ontario st in Montreal, it was night and it was raining lightly. I may have been looking for my bike, not too sure. I passed a sporting goods store and saw a woman walking out with orange and purple spandex and a helmet walking the same bike that Ithaca had taken earlier it was the invisible rider, now walking around visible, she gave me a strange look but I kept running down the street. I passed a bike rack thing (where people lock their bikes in the city) and my bike wasn't there...
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Fuckin ice cream and shit
Barracuda is a girl who is cool with my roomies and is from Calgary, I've been hanging out with her on and off, Igs is a cooper that I've been chilling with as well.
Today went to class and then to the potato with Barracuda (we have class together twice a week). Igs was there and we looked at some posters posted around, one was a sorority poster and Barracuda, apparently they were having an "ice cream social" the option was to of course, crash it. It was at 8 so I took Barracuda to the Frigo Vert and the Coop Bookstore (where I got a back patch), before going home.
At home I realized I was locked out of my side of the apartments. I waited out front reading zines from the books through bars thing I wanna join. Igs showed up because we were gonna sew up her dead shoes. I climbed up the balcony and then back down when I found the door was locked. We hung in the kitchen on the other side until someone came home with the keys to let us into the side I live on. I passed Igs some brown tshirt and a patch and I sewed on my backpatch.
Later in the night after Igs left I went to meet Barracuda, the sorority didn't actually have ice cream so left handing ensued and we ate at a nearby with some forks they gave us. I ran into some friends from my first year at school and an ex, it was cool seeing them again.
Free ice cream is delicious, I started telling Barracuda the story about me and Ithaca while we walked around downtown. I realized a lot of ridiculous things I did and a lot of ridiculous things I dealt with. While we strolled we bought candy from some people dressed as fairies and I found an open bag of candy in front of a museum. Shortly after finishing the story we exchanged (more like I was offered and accept) some hugs and then rode home and shared ice cream with my roomies :D
Zine fest and two parties Friday :)
Today went to class and then to the potato with Barracuda (we have class together twice a week). Igs was there and we looked at some posters posted around, one was a sorority poster and Barracuda, apparently they were having an "ice cream social" the option was to of course, crash it. It was at 8 so I took Barracuda to the Frigo Vert and the Coop Bookstore (where I got a back patch), before going home.
At home I realized I was locked out of my side of the apartments. I waited out front reading zines from the books through bars thing I wanna join. Igs showed up because we were gonna sew up her dead shoes. I climbed up the balcony and then back down when I found the door was locked. We hung in the kitchen on the other side until someone came home with the keys to let us into the side I live on. I passed Igs some brown tshirt and a patch and I sewed on my backpatch.
Later in the night after Igs left I went to meet Barracuda, the sorority didn't actually have ice cream so left handing ensued and we ate at a nearby with some forks they gave us. I ran into some friends from my first year at school and an ex, it was cool seeing them again.
Free ice cream is delicious, I started telling Barracuda the story about me and Ithaca while we walked around downtown. I realized a lot of ridiculous things I did and a lot of ridiculous things I dealt with. While we strolled we bought candy from some people dressed as fairies and I found an open bag of candy in front of a museum. Shortly after finishing the story we exchanged (more like I was offered and accept) some hugs and then rode home and shared ice cream with my roomies :D
Zine fest and two parties Friday :)
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Kittens and veggies
This weekend Giggles (friend from Montreal) and I hitched west to Jardins de la Resistance on a whim, planning involved included, printing out a google map, dumpstering cardboard for sign and sewing straps to my bag to attach my sleeping bag to.
Planning? Totally unnecessary! We got there in one ride, she dropped us off right in the front yard of the farm. We walked in met people, got shown around and set up camp.
It was good times there; the first night was soccer, and sitting around a fire.
The next day was the harvest party, where we picked vegetables and shelled beans and all that good stuff. By the time night fell the number of tents had more than tripled and there were a ton of people. There was a cute French girl who may or may not have had a boyfriend, we smiled at each other a lot but not much more happened between us than that, I should get on the ball, last September I would have struck up a conversation like nobody's business. Whatever though, a few people got drunk and sang anarchist folk songs in French which was pretty awesome. Sitting around a fire with the Chaotic Insurrection Ensemble was pretty rad. What's not rad you ask? A guy promising us a ride back into Montreal only to sleep with a drunk chick and ditch us without a word, it was as Giggles put it "slimy".
Fear not, we got a ride none the less from a non-slimy though more scruffy looking anarchist (almost everyone there was an anarchist) who invited us to ride with him. The ride was pretty uneventful, mostly silence, some iPod and way more of me thinking about Ithaca and straightedge than I'd like to admit...
All in all a great experience and a super time and I even have some nice garlic that we got from the farm in the cupboard :)
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Good Parties and Bad Dreams
Last night we had a party, but before I get to that I'll start earlier in the day. Wake up, people's potato, run into TKJ, Rainbow, Bum and surprise Domin, straight outta Toronto, he biked here and is staying here a bit then biking home. We all hung around and chilled for a bit. I told Domin he could crash the house a bit if we wanted to, so we rode home and then started doing stuff for his trip after discussing politics and travel and all that good summer stuff.
Dumpster fruit,
go to the coop and cut them up
meet some of the new coopers while setting up the dehydrator
invite them to come party and bounce
Get back home with a some dumpstered foods and just chilled for a bit with Domin and the roomies. After a while started to get my costume going on, chains and belts all over the place until I looked like a cyber-punk. The party started slow but became super awesome as more people arrived.
At the end of the night, a few of us went to Belle Provence to table poutine, at the end of the night we had clearly won, despite dirty looks from the bus boy, we had tabled seven plates of poutine!
Among those present were: Pines, V, the coop girl who I met the same day (and her whole crew), Kunoichi, DJ, Amp and the rest of my roomies and the old roomies from the apartment as well, and a bunch of other people also. Was good times and a pretty successful party if I do say so myself.
Last night I had a scary dream. I don't remember it in its entirety but here's what I remember:
Being separated from a group of friends and running through alleys/doing parkour to find them only to get lost more.
Being at someone's (a girlfriend's?) house and their mom bringing me my clean laundry and angrily agreeing that I should maybe wear different clothing every now and then.
Being at Ithaca's house and walking around in her mom's back yard with her and her dad. Her dad dropped a syringe on the ground by accident and I jumped back because I was barefoot. After he picked it up and threw it into some bushes (which made Ithaca mad) I nervously touched my pants pockets. Upon seeing this he kept trying to frisk me more and more aggressively until he was actively fighting/chasing me and I was actively running/yelling. That was pretty scary, the idea of getting chased by an ex's crackhead dad (not what he's really like). Was pretty relieved to wake up.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Scream for it!
Ice cream, we dumpstered a ton of it, we being me, DJ (a temporary roomie/guy Kunoichi is seeing) and Amp (a roomie). We didn't find any fruit we got lotsa bread, ice cream and some frozen dinner type stuff. Had a lot of people over and just chilled and ate and all that. Sold some old clothes today, set up my room a bit more and cleaned my shorts. Having these roomies is the best, I'm really happy to live here and people are def happy to have me here also. I can't wait to have a bike again though, TKJ is supposed to have one for me that we can fix up for cheap. Gotta get on my school stuff, I've been kinda attempting it without much effort, need to buckle down.
Ithaca is on my mind way much, I'm clearly not over her, I half want to get into another meaningful relationship, but I don't want to have to been in one to feel great about myself, I want to feel great about myself all the time like I did before, I'm slowly progressing there I think though, everyone here is awesome and I feel pretty good almost all the time, just my mind wanders at times...
Ithaca is on my mind way much, I'm clearly not over her, I half want to get into another meaningful relationship, but I don't want to have to been in one to feel great about myself, I want to feel great about myself all the time like I did before, I'm slowly progressing there I think though, everyone here is awesome and I feel pretty good almost all the time, just my mind wanders at times...
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Back in Montreal
Heyo!
I'm currently sitting in my room in the apartment where I now live with Kunoichi (among other people). It's pretty super awesome, gonna go dumpster. I got here yesterday but slept at a friend's house with Ithaca (probably the last time in a while), now I moved shit around, emptied dusty bags and although there's a pile of stuff on the floor I'm pretty much settled in.
Gonna dumpster later.
Yesterday I went to the coop with Ithaca and a friend, TKJ and Rainbow were there! Good to see them again, really happy. This morning and for lunch free food, how so? table dive of course, this is the way I want to do things :)
TKJ might have a bike for me, we just need a de-railer for it, then you know I'll have a bike fo free!
New roomies make for good old friends. Really happy to be living here :D
I'm currently sitting in my room in the apartment where I now live with Kunoichi (among other people). It's pretty super awesome, gonna go dumpster. I got here yesterday but slept at a friend's house with Ithaca (probably the last time in a while), now I moved shit around, emptied dusty bags and although there's a pile of stuff on the floor I'm pretty much settled in.
Gonna dumpster later.
Yesterday I went to the coop with Ithaca and a friend, TKJ and Rainbow were there! Good to see them again, really happy. This morning and for lunch free food, how so? table dive of course, this is the way I want to do things :)
TKJ might have a bike for me, we just need a de-railer for it, then you know I'll have a bike fo free!
New roomies make for good old friends. Really happy to be living here :D
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thoughts and events since my last post
I'm writing from a hotel room in San Diego, California. I'm here with my dad, he got us here for free with his frequent mile.
Stuff I did so far: Eat large amounts of unhealthy vegetarian and non-vegetarian food.
Visit a friend at Occidental (free water bottle)
Dumpster some bread and popcorn
Think about Evasion
Spend large amounts of time in a car
Think about stuff with Ithaca
Think about the year I'm going to spend in Montreal
Watch a lot of Miyazaki anime
Finish the zine "There is a Danger"
Meet family members that live in California
Go to a beach
Visit Tijuana, Mexico
Go volunteer/watch a movie at the Che Cafe at the UCSD
Hang out in downtown San Diego
Explore sexuality
Eat a bit more healthfully
Tomorrow we'll maybe go to the zoo or the beach or ride horses...
Stuff I did so far: Eat large amounts of unhealthy vegetarian and non-vegetarian food.
Visit a friend at Occidental (free water bottle)
Dumpster some bread and popcorn
Think about Evasion
Spend large amounts of time in a car
Think about stuff with Ithaca
Think about the year I'm going to spend in Montreal
Watch a lot of Miyazaki anime
Finish the zine "There is a Danger"
Meet family members that live in California
Go to a beach
Visit Tijuana, Mexico
Go volunteer/watch a movie at the Che Cafe at the UCSD
Hang out in downtown San Diego
Explore sexuality
Eat a bit more healthfully
Tomorrow we'll maybe go to the zoo or the beach or ride horses...
Monday, August 23, 2010
thoughts from the dirtiest kid on the bus
I' on a greyhound right now, headed to NYC. When I get there I'll head home a tiny bit then I'm off to Cali later in the day.
I was in spending the weekend with Ithaca, which was bumpier than I imagined it would have been, but overall a good time and definitely a learning experience.
Ithaca feels we're to dissimilar to be in the same type of couple relationship we were in before, I didn't take it well at first, apparently it's been on her mind a bit but she couldn't bring herself to tell me or something along those lines...
We went out with some friends of her's and I felt jealous and sad and anti-social and insecure the whole time. It didn't help that we went to a loud bar to stand around doing nothing. I eventually left and climbed and explored the area on my own, I just couldn't stand it.
Yesterday was much better we watched a movie, hung around the house, went to an anti-fracking social thing. In the night I accidentally fell and broke a stair, Ithaca's criticism affects me so much more than most other people's would and I didn't tell her but still feeling pretty insecure about myself and feeling like I was getting shot down all the time I almost cried just from getting criticized, :(
Things finished on a good note in the end and we've agreed to stay good friends, I definitely need to have some close friends I can count on, I was thinking about it and what I need right now is more core self confidence in the sense that I generally feel good about myself, having spent so much time with Ithaca made that an external thing coming through outside affirmation when originally it was something completely internal in that I could feel great in a room where everyone hated me. The other thing I need is good friends I trust and can talk to about everything, I mean at the moment, besides Ithaca and a few random friends I periodically reach out to, there isn't any one person I can talk to about everything, no person I feel comfortable enough to cry in front of or ask for a long hug from when I feel like shit, I want friends who come to me with their issues if not for advice then at least for support. I can't just make those overnight, but it's def something I'm going to try to develop.
I was in spending the weekend with Ithaca, which was bumpier than I imagined it would have been, but overall a good time and definitely a learning experience.
Ithaca feels we're to dissimilar to be in the same type of couple relationship we were in before, I didn't take it well at first, apparently it's been on her mind a bit but she couldn't bring herself to tell me or something along those lines...
We went out with some friends of her's and I felt jealous and sad and anti-social and insecure the whole time. It didn't help that we went to a loud bar to stand around doing nothing. I eventually left and climbed and explored the area on my own, I just couldn't stand it.
Yesterday was much better we watched a movie, hung around the house, went to an anti-fracking social thing. In the night I accidentally fell and broke a stair, Ithaca's criticism affects me so much more than most other people's would and I didn't tell her but still feeling pretty insecure about myself and feeling like I was getting shot down all the time I almost cried just from getting criticized, :(
Things finished on a good note in the end and we've agreed to stay good friends, I definitely need to have some close friends I can count on, I was thinking about it and what I need right now is more core self confidence in the sense that I generally feel good about myself, having spent so much time with Ithaca made that an external thing coming through outside affirmation when originally it was something completely internal in that I could feel great in a room where everyone hated me. The other thing I need is good friends I trust and can talk to about everything, I mean at the moment, besides Ithaca and a few random friends I periodically reach out to, there isn't any one person I can talk to about everything, no person I feel comfortable enough to cry in front of or ask for a long hug from when I feel like shit, I want friends who come to me with their issues if not for advice then at least for support. I can't just make those overnight, but it's def something I'm going to try to develop.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
movement
Flo is here still, she's leaving tomorrow morning, I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon. I'm headed up to Ithaca's place for the weekend, then I head back here to catch a plane to Cali for a week. After that week, I'll be back here again and either Ithaca will drive me up to MTL or I'll take a train.
I have a shit ton of zines from printing them at work (fo free!!!) so I'm excited to read them all and show them to peeps. The squat garden got shut down, showed up the other day to find the composter taken apart and half the lot completely cleared, I'd stick around and keep using it and fight for it and all that, but I'm not around here long enough for that, since I'm you know, leaving tomorrow...
All my stuff is packed, I'm not sure what to expect at Ithaca's, I feel that distance and both of us leading busy yet relatively uneventful lives has somewhat deteriorated communications, though we're making an effort, I'd like to think being around each other physically will make things super awesome again.
The free store is blowing up a lot, news stations from other countries wanna do things with it. It's too bad that I met T and got into a bunch of cool anarchist projects only to leave so soon, I'll definitely pick it again when I'm here for the winter. Solidarity.
Oh, also I made a cool bracelet out of an old brown shoelace I had lying around.
I have a shit ton of zines from printing them at work (fo free!!!) so I'm excited to read them all and show them to peeps. The squat garden got shut down, showed up the other day to find the composter taken apart and half the lot completely cleared, I'd stick around and keep using it and fight for it and all that, but I'm not around here long enough for that, since I'm you know, leaving tomorrow...
All my stuff is packed, I'm not sure what to expect at Ithaca's, I feel that distance and both of us leading busy yet relatively uneventful lives has somewhat deteriorated communications, though we're making an effort, I'd like to think being around each other physically will make things super awesome again.
The free store is blowing up a lot, news stations from other countries wanna do things with it. It's too bad that I met T and got into a bunch of cool anarchist projects only to leave so soon, I'll definitely pick it again when I'm here for the winter. Solidarity.
Oh, also I made a cool bracelet out of an old brown shoelace I had lying around.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Biking to work, hanging with Ithaca and meeting anarchists
This week has had it's ups and downs since Saturday. Ithaca was here, she left this morning and I won't see her until the end of August, (we're going camping and then she's dropping me off in MTL while she brings her stuff home). Her being here was really cool, but I felt strange and was sad a lot because I felt that I liked her a lot more than she liked me (which of course wasn't the case), which happens I guess when you're thinking to much and not talking enough. Communication it's still a ridiculously important thing, for serious, if you interact with people learn to communicate well! What did we do? Food not Bombs, really really free market,bike around, hang out at bluestockings, read zines at ABC no Rio, read zines at home, yea I know, but believe me when I tell you that Ithaca isn't anarcho-punk, I guess she's just down like that.
I'm working now, :( I have a job. I work at the French Consulate. I make calls and look at papers and doing nothing interesting (except slack to read Evasion every now and then). I bike to work ('cept today because of rain and heat) which is the best part, I cover like 100 blocks in anywhere between 30 and 45 minutes including the Manhattan Bridge, so that's usually the funnest part about my work. I've decided that I'm only gonna buy vegetarian food, no money towards meat as of before yesterday I think or maybe it was Friday I decided either way though I'm not ready to only buy vegan, what about cheese you know?
Right now I'm waiting for food to arrive (yea I know, but hear me out, it's to early to dumpster, nothing to cook in the fridge and I'm not gonna start shoplifting hardcore from the supermarket across the street from my parents house, that's bad form), then I'll probably head to anarchist black cross to send out books and probably run into this guy I met there last time that also does food not bombs, he seems pretty chill and seems like the kinda guy I can count on to get into trouble doing anarchist stuff (read: wheatpaste). Also the Squat garden is progressing nicely.
I'm working now, :( I have a job. I work at the French Consulate. I make calls and look at papers and doing nothing interesting (except slack to read Evasion every now and then). I bike to work ('cept today because of rain and heat) which is the best part, I cover like 100 blocks in anywhere between 30 and 45 minutes including the Manhattan Bridge, so that's usually the funnest part about my work. I've decided that I'm only gonna buy vegetarian food, no money towards meat as of before yesterday I think or maybe it was Friday I decided either way though I'm not ready to only buy vegan, what about cheese you know?
Right now I'm waiting for food to arrive (yea I know, but hear me out, it's to early to dumpster, nothing to cook in the fridge and I'm not gonna start shoplifting hardcore from the supermarket across the street from my parents house, that's bad form), then I'll probably head to anarchist black cross to send out books and probably run into this guy I met there last time that also does food not bombs, he seems pretty chill and seems like the kinda guy I can count on to get into trouble doing anarchist stuff (read: wheatpaste). Also the Squat garden is progressing nicely.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Star Fucking Hipsters and arrivals
Went to an awesome show with Crisis and a friend of his, was a bunch of local bands (including the infamous) Star Fucking Hipsters. We moshed and skanked and moshed and skanked, until the music stopped. Afterward I went home on my bike hoping Ithaca would be back, she wasn't, but after maybe 15 or 30 minutes she walks into my room and I smiled. She'll probably be home by Tuesday which is soon which I think sucks but whatever.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Work and a show
I have a job!
I'll get paid a lot and I'll have something cool to put on my resume woop woop.
Now I get to bike from Brooklyn to 73rd street every weekday (and bike back home too).
I get to wear fancy formal clothes.
I can even sit in an office all day and hang with my two pals phone and computer, they're machines!
I'll never have to worry about what to do with all the time between 9AM and 5PM ever again (on a weekday, I dread the boredom I'll experience on the weekend).
I got a job at the French Consulate, I'm sure it won't be that bad.
I went and saw Yula Berri and the Extended Family tonight, it's "romantic punk" which sounds pretty awesome, kinda a mix of ska, punk, the Spin Doctors, horror movie sound tracks and a few elements I can not name.
Excited for Saturday, punk show with Cipher and Crisis (but no traveling in August with Cipher since I have work now), Ithaca gets back, and probably going clubbing :D
I'll get paid a lot and I'll have something cool to put on my resume woop woop.
Now I get to bike from Brooklyn to 73rd street every weekday (and bike back home too).
I get to wear fancy formal clothes.
I can even sit in an office all day and hang with my two pals phone and computer, they're machines!
I'll never have to worry about what to do with all the time between 9AM and 5PM ever again (on a weekday, I dread the boredom I'll experience on the weekend).
I got a job at the French Consulate, I'm sure it won't be that bad.
I went and saw Yula Berri and the Extended Family tonight, it's "romantic punk" which sounds pretty awesome, kinda a mix of ska, punk, the Spin Doctors, horror movie sound tracks and a few elements I can not name.
Excited for Saturday, punk show with Cipher and Crisis (but no traveling in August with Cipher since I have work now), Ithaca gets back, and probably going clubbing :D
Monday, July 19, 2010
I got some books and stuff worked out
Crimethinc books came in the mail today, I got Off the Map, Evasion, Recipes for Disaster and some copies of Fighting for our Lives along with all the stickers, posters and other goodies that Crimethinc sends away with all their packages.
I couldn't really enjoy it though because I felt like complete and utter shit. Had talked to Ithaca online the night before and the conversation ended abruptly and badly. I felt terrible all morning and for the first time in I don't know how long I curled up and did nothing but cry. I sent way more emails than I received. In the end I went out and did stuff (only because I had to). Took my sister to the hair dresser, watered the squat garden and went to buy formal clothes with my mother for a job I might get.
Got back home and checked my mail. Ithaca had sent me a number where I could contact her and we talked, she knows how I feel, I know how she feels, things are back to normal. Not feeling like shit is pretty great I must say.
I couldn't really enjoy it though because I felt like complete and utter shit. Had talked to Ithaca online the night before and the conversation ended abruptly and badly. I felt terrible all morning and for the first time in I don't know how long I curled up and did nothing but cry. I sent way more emails than I received. In the end I went out and did stuff (only because I had to). Took my sister to the hair dresser, watered the squat garden and went to buy formal clothes with my mother for a job I might get.
Got back home and checked my mail. Ithaca had sent me a number where I could contact her and we talked, she knows how I feel, I know how she feels, things are back to normal. Not feeling like shit is pretty great I must say.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Hunting, eating and talking
Today was super awesome although a bit disheartening immediately before writing this.
Manhunt on governor's island. Was great fun, Shorty was there along with a bunch of other friends. We played a round in this old fort before getting kicked out, then played two rounds in a field. 'twas a blast. Caught lotsa people, got caught, ran around and even jumped over stuff. Talked to a friend from Capture the Flag and she's gonna take me to a show to hear some "romantic punk" music which is a new genre apparently, looking forward to a show. Left kinda early to go to Grub.
What is Grub? Grub is an awesome community dinner held twice monthly by an anarchist collective. Food is mostly dumpstered and mostly vegan. I picked up two zines and some food and everyone ate on the roof. At first I was slow in socializing and meeting people but I had told and hear a bunch of awesome stories by the end of the night. I traded phone numbers with people and hope to see them again. Biked home feeling happy (and super hot, because of the heat and my ridiculous social skills).
Got home talked to Ithaca online and she's unhappy, why you ask, from what I can tell the fact that I'm not very jealous or super shocked or something means that I'm either a robot or I don't give a shit. From what I can tell neither of those are true. Yea I'm usually detached, but that doesn't mean I don't care, maybe it means I'm a robot...
Iunno, we'll see.
:-/
Manhunt on governor's island. Was great fun, Shorty was there along with a bunch of other friends. We played a round in this old fort before getting kicked out, then played two rounds in a field. 'twas a blast. Caught lotsa people, got caught, ran around and even jumped over stuff. Talked to a friend from Capture the Flag and she's gonna take me to a show to hear some "romantic punk" music which is a new genre apparently, looking forward to a show. Left kinda early to go to Grub.
What is Grub? Grub is an awesome community dinner held twice monthly by an anarchist collective. Food is mostly dumpstered and mostly vegan. I picked up two zines and some food and everyone ate on the roof. At first I was slow in socializing and meeting people but I had told and hear a bunch of awesome stories by the end of the night. I traded phone numbers with people and hope to see them again. Biked home feeling happy (and super hot, because of the heat and my ridiculous social skills).
Got home talked to Ithaca online and she's unhappy, why you ask, from what I can tell the fact that I'm not very jealous or super shocked or something means that I'm either a robot or I don't give a shit. From what I can tell neither of those are true. Yea I'm usually detached, but that doesn't mean I don't care, maybe it means I'm a robot...
Iunno, we'll see.
:-/
Friday, July 16, 2010
Dirt and glass
Hung out at home all morning, tried giving Virgil a call but he was asleep, never called back, whatever. Since told me last night to expect a call from her so we could meet up and hang out at the MoMA, but you know it's Since and all our plans seem to fall through...
Only one thing to do, go the squat garden with my sister. We moved out more debris, turned most of the earth and-
Wait, phone call from Since, basically: come to the MoMA, there's a documentary. Oooh okay, sounds like a plan.
Head home, remove sneakers, put tools away, wipe away some dirt, prepare to leave while explaining plan to my mother and she's sayin-
Wait phone call from Since, basically: the movie is full, umm iunno, yea ok I'll call you when it's over (I guess she's still in the movie...)
Return to the squat garden with plants and sister and water and mom and tools. Finish turning the earth. Make a pathway from discarded bricks and rocks, cut finger on glass, dig holes and plant things, add water, take picture, go home, half expect Since to give a call, eat dinner, stay upstairs and read a bit (the phone has reception there and you know Since might call :-/ ), lose patience and go down stairs, hope Ithaca is online, have to tell her about possible change in plans for the day she gets back, check random websites, get inspired to travel, send a message to Cipher about potential travel, read a bit more, write blog...
Here's a pic of the squat garden so far: except the uploader put it at the top so yea...
Haven't been feeling as upbeat and awesome as of late, can't pinpoint why, *shrug*
Oh also, talked to Pagoda online about squatting got some tips which was cool :)
Thursday, July 15, 2010
feeling shitty
At first I wasn't going to write this and I felt like writing this in a notebook and starting a journal (reading "Tales of a Punk Rock Nothing" make me wanna start a journal), but I decided fuck it, I mean no one reads this and the people who do I trust (yea I trust you, be flattered). Why do I feel shitty?
I think it's a combination of the following (in no particular order):
Feeling distant from Ithaca
Not being able to see Since because of shitty logistics
Not having the same crew of friends as in Montreal (I need to make some literally rad friends)
Having spent a night in jail and consequently not feeling the shoplifting thing as much and of course the general shittyness of that whole situation in general
Knowing that Ithaca is probably gonna start seeing someone (this I feel is stupid, I mean I gotta walk the walk if I talk the talk, I'm surprised this is even part the shit that's getting to me, I guess it's because the feeling distant is also here that it's getting to me)
Feeling lonely despite efforts to be social
I kinda just want someone to give me a huge hug and kiss and really mean it. I tried to cry but I can't, maybe gender socialization is deeply ingrained in me, maybe I'm just not sad enough to cry, I don't remember the last time I cried, is that healthy?
Hopefully I'll see Since later today and tell her about the shitty night in jail and cuddle in front of a movie and maybe do other things. If I can't contact her at 7 I'm gonna go to the Anarchist Black Cross to hang out there; meet people, make new friends, find people who might be down to garden in the squat garden. I gotta call Virgil and ask if he wants to work on it tomorrow. I should probably look at the bike messenger dude that Cipher's dad told me about.
I'm thinking I'll be less sad if I have work, but at the same time that's pretty shitty, it won't mean stuff is less shitty it just means I won't notice it as much, which is, you know, a great way to make the world a better place, just kinda stop seeing all the problems...
Maybe I got too used to Ithaca being around and making me feel good. In Montreal when I was seeing Pagoda and Ice Cream and Ithaca, I never dealt with stuff like this, I guess it just didn't come up. Iunno, I've always felt that poly was good for me because it kept me balanced, never too worried about any one relationship because I knew that at the end of the day there was always someone I could hold/who could hold me. Not that I don't want to be in any kind of invested relationship, that's not it, I really like what is going on with Ithaca and I, it's been since April that we've been seeing each other which is longer than I've ever been with anyone before and it's nice. There are ups and downs but they seem worth it. I feel as though I'm ranting, but not even sure what about...
I wanna squat a building, open a community center, never pay rent, do food not bombs, and generally spread what I consider to be anarchist alternatives to the shitty capitalist bull that's happening now. I mean it could totally be worse. I guess I'm just discouraged a bit from doing anything illegal because of the arrest, and the finger prints and the photos and the getting busted shoplifting it all took place to close to each other. I shoulda stole the map of Manhattan, I would of totally gotten away with it and it would've kept my theft-confidence up...
I'll see what's up with what...
writing this felt good, if you read this you're awesome I guess...
I think it's a combination of the following (in no particular order):
Feeling distant from Ithaca
Not being able to see Since because of shitty logistics
Not having the same crew of friends as in Montreal (I need to make some literally rad friends)
Having spent a night in jail and consequently not feeling the shoplifting thing as much and of course the general shittyness of that whole situation in general
Knowing that Ithaca is probably gonna start seeing someone (this I feel is stupid, I mean I gotta walk the walk if I talk the talk, I'm surprised this is even part the shit that's getting to me, I guess it's because the feeling distant is also here that it's getting to me)
Feeling lonely despite efforts to be social
I kinda just want someone to give me a huge hug and kiss and really mean it. I tried to cry but I can't, maybe gender socialization is deeply ingrained in me, maybe I'm just not sad enough to cry, I don't remember the last time I cried, is that healthy?
Hopefully I'll see Since later today and tell her about the shitty night in jail and cuddle in front of a movie and maybe do other things. If I can't contact her at 7 I'm gonna go to the Anarchist Black Cross to hang out there; meet people, make new friends, find people who might be down to garden in the squat garden. I gotta call Virgil and ask if he wants to work on it tomorrow. I should probably look at the bike messenger dude that Cipher's dad told me about.
I'm thinking I'll be less sad if I have work, but at the same time that's pretty shitty, it won't mean stuff is less shitty it just means I won't notice it as much, which is, you know, a great way to make the world a better place, just kinda stop seeing all the problems...
Maybe I got too used to Ithaca being around and making me feel good. In Montreal when I was seeing Pagoda and Ice Cream and Ithaca, I never dealt with stuff like this, I guess it just didn't come up. Iunno, I've always felt that poly was good for me because it kept me balanced, never too worried about any one relationship because I knew that at the end of the day there was always someone I could hold/who could hold me. Not that I don't want to be in any kind of invested relationship, that's not it, I really like what is going on with Ithaca and I, it's been since April that we've been seeing each other which is longer than I've ever been with anyone before and it's nice. There are ups and downs but they seem worth it. I feel as though I'm ranting, but not even sure what about...
I wanna squat a building, open a community center, never pay rent, do food not bombs, and generally spread what I consider to be anarchist alternatives to the shitty capitalist bull that's happening now. I mean it could totally be worse. I guess I'm just discouraged a bit from doing anything illegal because of the arrest, and the finger prints and the photos and the getting busted shoplifting it all took place to close to each other. I shoulda stole the map of Manhattan, I would of totally gotten away with it and it would've kept my theft-confidence up...
I'll see what's up with what...
writing this felt good, if you read this you're awesome I guess...
Shitty night and today
Before yesterday I went to see a concert in Central park with Wedge and another friend, but it sucked to we left. We were walking to Time Square to meet a friend. As we walked along 42nd street and long story short I got arrested for carrying a "gravity knife", which is apparently illegal. I spent the night in three cells. At around 7.30 PM yesterday I got out and I have to show up to court the 20th of September (that's great you know because it's not like I'm gonna be going to school in Montreal or anything...) Staying in jail is shitty. I went and hung out with Bigs and Wedge and some other friends the night I got out but I was super tired so I couldn't really enjoy it. Today I'm supposed to see Since and watch a movie which could be good times.
Talked to Ithaca and she's having a good time in Colorado. She might start seeing a guy there which is cool with me but is starting to feel shitty, I'll have to deal and I'll learn from it as well.
Wanna work on the squat garden more soon...
Talked to Ithaca and she's having a good time in Colorado. She might start seeing a guy there which is cool with me but is starting to feel shitty, I'll have to deal and I'll learn from it as well.
Wanna work on the squat garden more soon...
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