Circa Christmas

I made some gifts for christmas. I made a buttflap for my sister, a drumstick holder for my dad and a bag for my mom. All from jeans I found in the trash among other things. That was cool. The night before christmas eve I went dumpstering with Virgil and found a ton of foods, even cake and pizza :)
Other than that I got some books and a hat and head phones for christmas. Having headphone is gonna be convenient. I watched "Capitalism: A Love Story" which was pretty cool, I also finally saw Avatar all the way through great movie, colonization sucks, as does the bleak future a lot of sci-fi depicts, umm, let's not let that happen ok?
Other than that I'm hanging out in Maryland with family it's good times. I'll be in Montreal the night of the 27th probably. Gonna spend the New Year in Montreal. I'm excited for that and Skidmas.
Also I have some awesome tattoo on my arms.

Cancelled plans and free movies

Today's plan was as follows:
See Since
watch a movie together
cuddle
feel less shitty
Today actually happened as follows:
Call Since about once an hour until approximately 7, at which point I had decided that I'd leave to the Anarchist Black Cross and possibly meet up with Wedge at a party. So roll out on a bike to Anarchist Black Cross (ABC)and hang out there, spent most of the time there learning the basics of their set up and wrapping dictionaries in brown paper to send to prisoners. A guy showed up and told me that the ABC no Rio Food not Bombs was up and running which is good news to me (I'll go next next Sunday, this Sunday is Manhunt, hopefully Crisis will show up). When ABC ended I gave Wedge a call and asked about the party, he said it was dying and that they'd probably go see a movie (shit yo! movies cost money) I told him I'd show up, but that I was broke as fuck.
At the party we just talked and hung I recognized and conversed with a few familiar faces. Then we all got kicked out (time is up) and headed to some bar, hung out there for a while just kicking it (I still don't drink, straight edge since forever yo). After the bar people started heading toward the movie, I wanted to bounce at this point but was told we would see it FO FREE! so I stuck around. On the way to the theatre Since gave a call and apologized for standing me up which I told her was okay because I didn't sit around at home doing nothing anyway. Also on the way there I ran into some friends and one of them told me a cool place to get messenger work so I'll check that out. Got to the theatre, put our bikes inside because we're fancy like that (you know how we do on some VIP shit up in here, lol 'cept not) and walked into the room to watch Inception for free. It was an awesome movie, see it (I'm encouraging you to see it, not necessarily to pay for it). It's kinda a mind fuck throughout especially the ending, watch out.
Afterward just rode home while I was on the phone with my mom, riding mostly with no hands. Made me realize how fast I am, made it home in like ten minutes going slow with no hands, imagine how fast I would've been tearing it up with handle bar usage and no phone pressed to my ear!
Home now, gonna read some "Tales of a Punk Rock Nothing" which just came in the mail today or yesterday, I don't remember and then hit the sack. Also supposed to meet up with Since tomorrow and go to a museum, in the morning I'll probably work on the garden with Virgil if he's down. I'll see...

feeling shitty

At first I wasn't going to write this and I felt like writing this in a notebook and starting a journal (reading "Tales of a Punk Rock Nothing" make me wanna start a journal), but I decided fuck it, I mean no one reads this and the people who do I trust (yea I trust you, be flattered). Why do I feel shitty?
I think it's a combination of the following (in no particular order):
Feeling distant from Ithaca
Not being able to see Since because of shitty logistics
Not having the same crew of friends as in Montreal (I need to make some literally rad friends)
Having spent a night in jail and consequently not feeling the shoplifting thing as much and of course the general shittyness of that whole situation in general
Knowing that Ithaca is probably gonna start seeing someone (this I feel is stupid, I mean I gotta walk the walk if I talk the talk, I'm surprised this is even part the shit that's getting to me, I guess it's because the feeling distant is also here that it's getting to me)
Feeling lonely despite efforts to be social
I kinda just want someone to give me a huge hug and kiss and really mean it. I tried to cry but I can't, maybe gender socialization is deeply ingrained in me, maybe I'm just not sad enough to cry, I don't remember the last time I cried, is that healthy?
Hopefully I'll see Since later today and tell her about the shitty night in jail and cuddle in front of a movie and maybe do other things. If I can't contact her at 7 I'm gonna go to the Anarchist Black Cross to hang out there; meet people, make new friends, find people who might be down to garden in the squat garden. I gotta call Virgil and ask if he wants to work on it tomorrow. I should probably look at the bike messenger dude that Cipher's dad told me about.
I'm thinking I'll be less sad if I have work, but at the same time that's pretty shitty, it won't mean stuff is less shitty it just means I won't notice it as much, which is, you know, a great way to make the world a better place, just kinda stop seeing all the problems...
Maybe I got too used to Ithaca being around and making me feel good. In Montreal when I was seeing Pagoda and Ice Cream and Ithaca, I never dealt with stuff like this, I guess it just didn't come up. Iunno, I've always felt that poly was good for me because it kept me balanced, never too worried about any one relationship because I knew that at the end of the day there was always someone I could hold/who could hold me. Not that I don't want to be in any kind of invested relationship, that's not it, I really like what is going on with Ithaca and I, it's been since April that we've been seeing each other which is longer than I've ever been with anyone before and it's nice. There are ups and downs but they seem worth it. I feel as though I'm ranting, but not even sure what about...
I wanna squat a building, open a community center, never pay rent, do food not bombs, and generally spread what I consider to be anarchist alternatives to the shitty capitalist bull that's happening now. I mean it could totally be worse. I guess I'm just discouraged a bit from doing anything illegal because of the arrest, and the finger prints and the photos and the getting busted shoplifting it all took place to close to each other. I shoulda stole the map of Manhattan, I would of totally gotten away with it and it would've kept my theft-confidence up...
I'll see what's up with what...
writing this felt good, if you read this you're awesome I guess...

The Beginnings of a Squat Garden

Today I started the squat garden I wanted to start. I tried calling a few people to come help out but only Virgil showed up which is fine with me. We grabbed some gloves and gardening things that I found in my laundry room and went to the spot. It was full of trash, much more than I had realized, we started filling up a trash bag...
We used the old bricks to "fence" off an area that would be the garden and also a small area to the side to be a compost pile. We pulled weeds and removed the roots before composting them, moved rocks and wood, we tried to level the garden floor a bit, we'll need to use the stones and sticks for that, with some earth from the part of the lot we haven't started yet. After it started to get dark we went home, made a squatter flag, went back, tied it to an adjacent fence and then left for good. I'm excited to keep working on the garden in the future.