talkin trash

Today was pretty alright I must say. I found out a friend wants to open a squat in NYC, probably Brooklyn, so I'll help him with that if I'm around. I went and watered, pulled weeds, added compost in the garden. Read books at home, ate dumpstered stuff.
At 1PM I was at Bluestockings getting interviewed. Interviewed? about what you ask? Initially just dumpstering, but of course it led to discussion about politics (read: anarchism), economics (read: anti-capitalism/gift economies) subculture (read: subculture) and generally just interesting stuff. When it's all done (it's for a book) I'll get a transcript, and I'll probably try to get my hands on the book it's in as well when it's out. I probably have some time before then. Until then though, I'll just uh, work at the Brooklyn free store, enjoy summer BBQs and do Food not Bombs!
Also yesterday went to see a Books through Bars movie screening/benefit. Brought a bunch of food along; some trash some taken from work, was okay. The fun part was dumpstering on the way home, check the picture.

Dirt and glass

Hung out at home all morning, tried giving Virgil a call but he was asleep, never called back, whatever. Since told me last night to expect a call from her so we could meet up and hang out at the MoMA, but you know it's Since and all our plans seem to fall through...
Only one thing to do, go the squat garden with my sister. We moved out more debris, turned most of the earth and-
Wait, phone call from Since, basically: come to the MoMA, there's a documentary. Oooh okay, sounds like a plan.
Head home, remove sneakers, put tools away, wipe away some dirt, prepare to leave while explaining plan to my mother and she's sayin-
Wait phone call from Since, basically: the movie is full, umm iunno, yea ok I'll call you when it's over (I guess she's still in the movie...)
Return to the squat garden with plants and sister and water and mom and tools. Finish turning the earth. Make a pathway from discarded bricks and rocks, cut finger on glass, dig holes and plant things, add water, take picture, go home, half expect Since to give a call, eat dinner, stay upstairs and read a bit (the phone has reception there and you know Since might call :-/ ), lose patience and go down stairs, hope Ithaca is online, have to tell her about possible change in plans for the day she gets back, check random websites, get inspired to travel, send a message to Cipher about potential travel, read a bit more, write blog...
Here's a pic of the squat garden so far: except the uploader put it at the top so yea...
Haven't been feeling as upbeat and awesome as of late, can't pinpoint why, *shrug*
Oh also, talked to Pagoda online about squatting got some tips which was cool :)

feeling shitty

At first I wasn't going to write this and I felt like writing this in a notebook and starting a journal (reading "Tales of a Punk Rock Nothing" make me wanna start a journal), but I decided fuck it, I mean no one reads this and the people who do I trust (yea I trust you, be flattered). Why do I feel shitty?
I think it's a combination of the following (in no particular order):
Feeling distant from Ithaca
Not being able to see Since because of shitty logistics
Not having the same crew of friends as in Montreal (I need to make some literally rad friends)
Having spent a night in jail and consequently not feeling the shoplifting thing as much and of course the general shittyness of that whole situation in general
Knowing that Ithaca is probably gonna start seeing someone (this I feel is stupid, I mean I gotta walk the walk if I talk the talk, I'm surprised this is even part the shit that's getting to me, I guess it's because the feeling distant is also here that it's getting to me)
Feeling lonely despite efforts to be social
I kinda just want someone to give me a huge hug and kiss and really mean it. I tried to cry but I can't, maybe gender socialization is deeply ingrained in me, maybe I'm just not sad enough to cry, I don't remember the last time I cried, is that healthy?
Hopefully I'll see Since later today and tell her about the shitty night in jail and cuddle in front of a movie and maybe do other things. If I can't contact her at 7 I'm gonna go to the Anarchist Black Cross to hang out there; meet people, make new friends, find people who might be down to garden in the squat garden. I gotta call Virgil and ask if he wants to work on it tomorrow. I should probably look at the bike messenger dude that Cipher's dad told me about.
I'm thinking I'll be less sad if I have work, but at the same time that's pretty shitty, it won't mean stuff is less shitty it just means I won't notice it as much, which is, you know, a great way to make the world a better place, just kinda stop seeing all the problems...
Maybe I got too used to Ithaca being around and making me feel good. In Montreal when I was seeing Pagoda and Ice Cream and Ithaca, I never dealt with stuff like this, I guess it just didn't come up. Iunno, I've always felt that poly was good for me because it kept me balanced, never too worried about any one relationship because I knew that at the end of the day there was always someone I could hold/who could hold me. Not that I don't want to be in any kind of invested relationship, that's not it, I really like what is going on with Ithaca and I, it's been since April that we've been seeing each other which is longer than I've ever been with anyone before and it's nice. There are ups and downs but they seem worth it. I feel as though I'm ranting, but not even sure what about...
I wanna squat a building, open a community center, never pay rent, do food not bombs, and generally spread what I consider to be anarchist alternatives to the shitty capitalist bull that's happening now. I mean it could totally be worse. I guess I'm just discouraged a bit from doing anything illegal because of the arrest, and the finger prints and the photos and the getting busted shoplifting it all took place to close to each other. I shoulda stole the map of Manhattan, I would of totally gotten away with it and it would've kept my theft-confidence up...
I'll see what's up with what...
writing this felt good, if you read this you're awesome I guess...

Ithaca isn't New York and the LES isn't the MTL

Summer is upon us! Alas I've been disappointed socially in a few areas of my life in terms of my summer so far. Ithaca and I are going through a rough patch, at first I thought I was jealous (wow, I didn't even know I could feel that way, this is new to me) of her spending time doing fun stuff without me, but we talked a bit tonight and yesterday and she feels smothered, we've been spending so much time together in close proximity living together and alla that, that it seems less meaningful and also that I'm not "doing what I want" the same way I did in Montreal, (ie just following whatever impulse led me to whatever event and if Ithaca wasn't there whatever) which makes sense since in retrospect I was trying to make sure I spent a lot of time with her while since she was here. I'm probably gonna try to make an effort to spend time with whoever I feel like, I never thought I'd be clingy but I guess that's kinda what I was doing...
I was thinking to myself that I should start seeing someone else as well as Ithaca like I was in Montreal, that kept her "on her toes" so to speak and also made sure I didn't make any one person or group feel that I was giving them too much attention (think: Ice Cream and Pagoda). I have a few people in mind that I would be happy to be in some kind of relationship with, it may be a problem of course since you know when Ithaca is in NY she sleeps at the house.
The Lower East Side, highly romanticized both in my head and in the book Resistance is very cool, but isn't what I expected of it. I mean I guess I was looking for a militant youth scene like in Montreal but that's not the case and I may have to create that scene on my own (Crisis and some other peeps maybe). The scene is a lot older and seems to be less about direct action in the militant sneak around at night or yell at protests sense.
In other news Ithaca is gonna head home on Wednesday until probably Monday to work more. This'll let me get into a good social routine that doesn't revolve around her and allow me time to (pretend) to look for work and see all the friends I haven't seen yet (potential lovers included). I guess it was ridiculous to think that any one person could fulfill any and all desires any other one person has, you need a network of friends and lovers and family and acquaintances and strangers and all that.
Also I wanna start a squat at some point in the not too too distant future, probably in Brooklyn in my neighborhood. Ideally I'd fix it up, throw up some solar panels and only pay property tax and maybe internet (fuck cable TV, fuck land lines, I'll find a way to heat up water fo free too probs). Of course the house would be green as fuck; recycling, compost (shit included), water reuse/conservation, bike stuffs, dumpstered and gardened and shoplifted foods, maybe some chickens, etc...
Yar it's summer I feel that there's a lot of potential!