There's some cool train tracks by the house and an abandoned building I have yet to check out. I'll see about the building soon enough but the tracks are pretty fun the few times I've been.
Stuff is going good with Veera (person I'm kissing). The anarchist bookfair was good times, ran into friends from outta town and went to a number of parties connected to the book fair. Also kids came up from Halifax to go to the bookfair.
and now me bitching about drama. So those kids from Halifax, well they're cool and hot (yay) on the second night they were here we all went to a party and S left early with someone hot. I hung out with L for a bit who seemed unhappy with the party so went home after a short while. Walking home was talking, talking was hanging out, hanging out was sitting on bed, sitting was cuddling, we ended up kissing for a bit and falling asleep. Wake up next day go to permaculture and come home afterward. L is being really cold and distant, no explanation from "what's up?" and "are you ok?", well then. Anyways we all go out to see a punk show and hang out really late at this punk house, there's tension between L and I the while time and after the show while we're all hanging out L kissed this other person. Later in the night we're getting ready to leave L is excited and telling me about how cute person they kissed is, that's great and all and I'm not one to expect monogamy, but communication I guess I expect standard, that shouldn't be too much to hope for...
Anyways permaculture is going great and I'm excited with it so that's good and also we're gonna have a rad party here soon.

mostly awesome

So I made a fender for my bike, it's been raining a lot and my fender works :D. Also permaculture is fun and interesting, I'm happy it's happening.
So on thursday I went over to Wednesday and L's house for movies, pancakes and a sleep over. Wednesday is cool as shit and had some friends from outta town over, but they didn't get back until after I played cards and talked and hung out with L and the other roomies. Also I have a huge crush on L (as well as everyone else in Montreal). Anyways, once Wednesday and his crew got back from where ever they were 9the park I think) we speculated about watching the movie, but didn't for hours, in the end L was kinda tired and said she would watch it in her room and possibly fall asleep; a plan that I thought was rad. I asked to join her.
So, turns out long movies are long, and we never got through the whole thing, just stopped after a while and pretended we wanted to sleep.
"do you wanna cuddle"
"yes please"
(maybe 15-30 minutes of caressing later)
"this is such a tease"
"I guess we could kiss or something"
being serious and not silly isn't that fun., or hot for that matter.
So i'm seeing someone new, which is fun and exciting, we talked about poly and L isn't sure what she's doing but is down with me seeing someone else and is in a situation of her own with someone else. I'm curious to see where this will go and am happy that it's happening.
Other activities of the weekend (all with Wednesday, L and Wednesday's outta town friends) include but aren't limited to:
hanging out in the huge clothes pile at eva b
me buying a sweater with only one sleeve and some holes in it for a dollar
kissing L
failed attempts at dumpstering
biking around (with an additional person on my bike at some points)
eating delicious foods
movies
cuddles
bitching about the rain
lots of laying around and being lazy

Oh also maybe gonna go to foufou's house tomorrow for foods, if I can wake in time.

urgh blarhg

Not enough sluttiness going on in my life, also considering making a tumblr, although it'll consume me or something. Anyways yea, I wanna kiss some (new) peeps. And I BOUGHT pizza yesterday with DJ as like an urge you know...
Also if someone ever asks where the slutty punk boys are at just say "ahem" and point them my way!

Spring and all that it's arrival entails...

Going to the park
Exchanging massages
Kissing new people (!!!)
Fixing bikes
Patching clothes
Staying up late with clothes
Pillow fights (!!!)
Biking with your friends
Cooking huge meals for everyone
Ridiculous weather
Traveling (coming soon)
Making new friends
Sleeping everywhere but home
Making music
Jumping and climbing and parkour
Dancing :D

punk show

me and crass kissed :)

All nighters and train rides

Last night (ummm Wednesday night) CHG and DJ came by and we watch with Kunoichi paranormal activity 2 until early in the morning, then DJ went home and Kunoichi took the cat and slept in her room.
CHG spent the night and I got maybe half an hour of sleep total before I heard my alarm and had to get up. Ate a small piece of cheese and got dressed and alla that. CHG decided to walk home while I walked to the train station so we walked together. Such a beautiful morning, I should wake up earlier and enjoy mornings more they look wonderful and feel great!
Got to the station, the woman at the ticket booth said she liked my style :) Slept most of the train ride here. Is it bad that I thought that it was dumb how happy a woman sitting behind me was about recycling bins in a train station?

Heat

Every time Kunoichi thinks one of my friends is hot I end up sleeping with them, it's kinda ridiculous...
It's not out of spite, it's just we have similar taste and I'm uh a slut :)

so umm, my weekend from thurs to sun

Thursday:
Sleepover at CHG's house. It wasn't an intentional sleepover, it was supposed to be "all girls" but I stayed late and ended up crashing there. 'Twas a good time, I met some fun people, talked about politics and in the middle of the night discussed almost the entirety of our sex lives and exchanged back massages. It was pleasant.
Friday:
Went to the potato with CHG and hung there a bit. I don't remember the activity that took place in the day time, probably me writing zine and hanging out at home. At night however...
Gypsy night at the Divan Orange was alright, I got all dressed up in proper stereotypical attire (is it more okay for me to do that if I'm part gypsy, and by gypsy Roma). I danced alone for a bit until a friend from the sleepover arrived, (kinda not the cute one I really wanted to see...). We enjoyed a live band which was fun, but not as fast as I wanted. After their first set the friend left and I left maybe ten minutes later. (Had I stayed maybe ten minutes more the cute friend would have shown up and the night would probably have been very different).
Upon arriving home I changed back into dirty patchy clothes and headed to a loft party to meet some friends and ensure that the night didn't die that early. When I walked into the building I saw TKJ and Rainbow hanging outside the door of the party and was happy to see them there. We all went inside together and got some hearts to pin to our clothes (I put mine in my ear instead, because you know, I'm a rebel!). Wizzle and Crass were there and I ran into some other people I know a lil bit. The night was slow at first and kinda picked later and we all danced a lot, I impressed a girl in a green shirt with my dancing (:P). After dancing for a while TKJ and I sat on a couch and shortly thereafter Crass sat next to me and passed out on my lap. We thought this was funny and cute (I WISH CRASS DIDN'T GET DRUNK ALL THE TIME, HOW WILL I KISS YOU IF YOU ARE ALWAYS DRUNK?) this guy with a black hat and grey pants came to my and TKJ and put his hands on our knees and kissed us both a lot, he tasted like mint and it was pleasant except for the stubble. He wanted me and TKJ to kiss but we both knew that wasn't going to happen since me and TKJ weren't feeling that. After a while we walked away. TKJ got up after a bit, and the same guy came back and took his seat, we kissed a lot.
This is new to me... I remember in high school I wanted really badly to be bisexual and now I want badly to be bisexual so that I can identify more as queer, to relate more to gay people, to I don't know...
Anyways I was kinda passive which is not how I am around girls. I enjoyed myself and I was definitely surprised at that. This guy wanted to go home with me (or at least somewhere without that many people), but I didn't want to (a huge part of which was the fact that I don't know how to have gay sex). Iunno, I'm confused about it mostly, not sure I'm interested in sex with men or at least all aspects of it. Long story short I got his number and now don't know what to do.
Later in the night as we were heading out the girl with the green shirt came to talk to me, I asked her if she wanted a kiss but she didn't we talked about me being awesome at dancing for a bit then I left.
Saturday:
Workshop about shoplifting and scams and table diving and dumpster diving. That went well.
That night was Flash's birthday party and it was good times, hanging around and eating foods at his house then karaoke at Squalor house for a bit. Good times were had.
Sunday:
Slept in, didn't do much in the day time. In the afternoon I went to the coop and hung with Igs and Divo and sewed a bit. We went to a potluck with a lot of fake meat and chilled there for a while, jammed with instruments and met cool peeps. Me and TKJ and Kunoichi and Chibi went to the house afterward. From there TKJ, Kunoichi and I went to a party at Kiwi's house (no she isn't back yet), the party was eh, but the night was spent talking with Kunoichi and TKJ talking about relationships. At maybe 4.30 we rolled home and passed out on the bed. (I doubled Kunoichi there and back on the bike)...
Overall a good weekend for sure, I want to be having sex with someone, not much else but yea. That was my weekend.

I appreciate civility

There's no reason not to be civil in your interactions with friends (well maybe they're are but...) and I'd like to think most people deserve to be treated civilly because it sure beats getting treated like shit. Explanation:
Welcome to the most straight-forward and civil break up ever. Went over to Spaghetti's house for hang outs, dinners and presumably kisses & cuddles. Showed up we talked and layed around a bit and she brought up that she wanted to change something about our relationship. Basically this; I'm not looking to be anyone's primary partner in terms of emotional investment, I can easily see what we have right now becoming that. Also I know it's easy to do nothing and let things drag on and expect someone to break up with me but that's never fun (it really never is fun). So we should still be friends and eat trash together.
So good! I <3 communication. Maybe I'm just super happy about a "good" break up because the last one I had that didn't involve someone moving across the country was the exact opposite which was super suck. It's strange to be almost excited and proud of a break up, but this was probably the best one ever, no tears, no yelling, no holding back, just good straight forward (although not really abrasive) communication.

oops

At Faggity Ass I remember dancing with a French hipster girl (she was cute and it was dark). At first I wasn't too serious about anything and just shook my ass on her and her friend. Later in the evening we danced together again but were less silly and more sexy. We grinded and grinded and ended up in that sweaty hip to hip position where the only thing to do is stare at each others faces and rest foreheads against foreheads.
Hips to hips and foreheads touching, a comfortable intensity settled around us and we felt each others breath on our lips, maybe if one of us leaned forward a bit lips could touch or...
Pretty abruptly someone has pulled her to the side and is talking to her, looking upset. Ooops, I can't be expected to know you came here with someone. Time to walk somewhere else and dance elsewhere before one of us gets in trouble :-/

Parties and poly

Parties last night, one at Spaghetti's house and one here at the coop (I still haven't left). The thing at Spaghetti's house was a folk show, I didn't stay for the music but I did hang out with a lot of fun peeps. Spaghetti and I talked a bit ahead of time and she wanted to hit on a friend of her's from class who was coming over so I kinda stayed outta her way for that. I had great conversations with Flash, about projects and potental and the semi immediate future.
Me and him walked to the coop afterward and ran into a bunch of people there. The party was fuckin rad ass shit! At around 3 the cops came to break it up and kick everyone out, which only led to a temporary dispersal. I came back afterward, socialized a bit and then went to sleep in Igs room with a friend, Igs had passed out but we checked in with her and kept an eye on her the whole night and she was alright. I fell asleep trying to figure out how I felt about Spaghetti and her hitting on other people.
I thought I'd feel hurt, or something, but not really, I felt only a tiny bit uncomfortable and not much more. I read her blog earlier today (it's public and she knows I'm reading it, not some creepy status don't worry) and I don't think anything happened with her and her classmate...
Not sure if I'm actually relieved or if I'm iunno, don't care but in a live and let live way. Let it be know that I do give the proverbial fuck about Spaghetti, she is, very much an awesome person and I'm pretty excited about how much I like her.
Person who I shared a bed with/cuddled with last night was pretty cool and I'm not gonna pretend I don't have a crush on her (among so many others), aside from cuddling not much happened. I considered offering a kiss in the morning as she left but decided against it, I'm not sure how she feels about me and I know I'll run into her often enough that I only want to try that if I'm confident that it'll work out, can't go about losing cool people as friends just because I think they're cute.
Oh also I fixed a flat on my bike and am probably gonna move into the coop at some point in the summer or spring...

Halloween

We dressed as gypsies and the parties sucked.
I dressed as Mr. T and the party was okay.
We all dressed as trannies and the night was wild.
We stole and the cops drove by midway through, they didn't realize we were stealing!
Also the wig I wore I dumpstered.

roofs and beds

Yesterday I went to class and the to the potato to eat Kiwi met me there and totally threw off TKJ by kissing me in front of him. Igs was there a bit later and we all ate together.
After food me and Kiwi hit the roof, hung out there a bit and avoided detection by someone who we didn't identify, and then parted ways. We met later and returned home (some people I bike crazy), the best part was holding hands while riding without holding the handlebars (well until a car honked at us, then it was just funny).
At home we hung with the cats and Kunoichi and just talked until we moved to my room and watched internets and wasted time and messed around and talked about life and stayed up late, and finally fell asleep.

Part of being a slut is being ethical

I was about to write this when I talked to Kunoichi, about just what I planned to write about.
Last night me Kunoichi and DJ (Kunoichi's boyfriend-thing), were hanging in the kitchen cutting up my hair and talking and all that. I put on Cowboy Bebop (me and Kunoichi are rewatching the series) and ended up all hanging on Kunoichi's bed. After a while we moved to my room and continued to watch there at first DJ wasn't coming but he joined us after a few minutes to work while we watched. We (Kunoichi and I) were pretty cuddly and touchy-feely. We watched a ton of Cowboy Bebop and after a while DJ left to sleep. We kept watching.
I thought back to when I felt a lot of sexual tension between Ithaca and a mutual friend, I remember being totally thrown off and unsure of what was happening. I don't want to put any of my friends through the same kind of shit.
I asked Kunoichi that what we were doing definitely had the potential to incite some jealousy. She thought it wasn't a big deal and we kept being cuddly and watching stuff. After a while we stopped watching and went online a bit.
Kunoichi was falling asleep in the bed at this point, which would have been fine with me if DJ wasn't across the hall probably feeling strange. I told Kunoichi that it's fine if she slept there but I wanted it to be ok with DJ first. In the end she dozed a lot and I was beginning to fall asleep myself, when woke up(ish) and told me she kept having dreams of DJ being jealous, I told her that they definitely made sense. She thought it was a good time to go sleep in her own bed with DJ.
We talked (right before me writing this) about poly and feeling trapped, and not feeling jealous and feeling for more than one person and all that good stuff. She reassured me that DJ was totally cool with us cuddling and being as touchy as we are even though he isn't down with poly (and not everyone is, which is totally fine). I feel a lot better, I hope that DJ isn't just saying he's fine, because it's definitely something a lot of guys (myself included of course) would do. I don't want to make someone else feel weird and shitty though.

Friends, food and uh school...

Today; good times with some doubts lingering in my head.
Wake up, try to sign up for classes, fail at doing so. Biked (on my brand new/used awesome bike) to the people's potato and ate there, ran into Pagoda, TKJ, Bum and a bunch of other people who don't have cool names on this blog (yet?). Hung around a with TKJ and Bum mostly, Bum wants to get into parkour again and I told Pines and V I'd start it up again, looking forward to that.
After the potato went to Rainbow's house but she wasn't there, dumpstered a ton of carrots with TKJ instead and started cooking up a huge dinner at his place with his awesome roomie Liberty. A bunch of peeps ended up coming over and I met cool people and shared a dinner table with them all. In the end me and a girl biked home in the rain together with was fun times, I def thought biking in the rain would suck but it was very enjoyable. Now I'm back here did some school stuff. Time to chillax and waste time being unproductive.

I got some books and stuff worked out

Crimethinc books came in the mail today, I got Off the Map, Evasion, Recipes for Disaster and some copies of Fighting for our Lives along with all the stickers, posters and other goodies that Crimethinc sends away with all their packages.
I couldn't really enjoy it though because I felt like complete and utter shit. Had talked to Ithaca online the night before and the conversation ended abruptly and badly. I felt terrible all morning and for the first time in I don't know how long I curled up and did nothing but cry. I sent way more emails than I received. In the end I went out and did stuff (only because I had to). Took my sister to the hair dresser, watered the squat garden and went to buy formal clothes with my mother for a job I might get.
Got back home and checked my mail. Ithaca had sent me a number where I could contact her and we talked, she knows how I feel, I know how she feels, things are back to normal. Not feeling like shit is pretty great I must say.

Hunting, eating and talking

Today was super awesome although a bit disheartening immediately before writing this.
Manhunt on governor's island. Was great fun, Shorty was there along with a bunch of other friends. We played a round in this old fort before getting kicked out, then played two rounds in a field. 'twas a blast. Caught lotsa people, got caught, ran around and even jumped over stuff. Talked to a friend from Capture the Flag and she's gonna take me to a show to hear some "romantic punk" music which is a new genre apparently, looking forward to a show. Left kinda early to go to Grub.
What is Grub? Grub is an awesome community dinner held twice monthly by an anarchist collective. Food is mostly dumpstered and mostly vegan. I picked up two zines and some food and everyone ate on the roof. At first I was slow in socializing and meeting people but I had told and hear a bunch of awesome stories by the end of the night. I traded phone numbers with people and hope to see them again. Biked home feeling happy (and super hot, because of the heat and my ridiculous social skills).
Got home talked to Ithaca online and she's unhappy, why you ask, from what I can tell the fact that I'm not very jealous or super shocked or something means that I'm either a robot or I don't give a shit. From what I can tell neither of those are true. Yea I'm usually detached, but that doesn't mean I don't care, maybe it means I'm a robot...
Iunno, we'll see.
:-/

Dirt and glass

Hung out at home all morning, tried giving Virgil a call but he was asleep, never called back, whatever. Since told me last night to expect a call from her so we could meet up and hang out at the MoMA, but you know it's Since and all our plans seem to fall through...
Only one thing to do, go the squat garden with my sister. We moved out more debris, turned most of the earth and-
Wait, phone call from Since, basically: come to the MoMA, there's a documentary. Oooh okay, sounds like a plan.
Head home, remove sneakers, put tools away, wipe away some dirt, prepare to leave while explaining plan to my mother and she's sayin-
Wait phone call from Since, basically: the movie is full, umm iunno, yea ok I'll call you when it's over (I guess she's still in the movie...)
Return to the squat garden with plants and sister and water and mom and tools. Finish turning the earth. Make a pathway from discarded bricks and rocks, cut finger on glass, dig holes and plant things, add water, take picture, go home, half expect Since to give a call, eat dinner, stay upstairs and read a bit (the phone has reception there and you know Since might call :-/ ), lose patience and go down stairs, hope Ithaca is online, have to tell her about possible change in plans for the day she gets back, check random websites, get inspired to travel, send a message to Cipher about potential travel, read a bit more, write blog...
Here's a pic of the squat garden so far: except the uploader put it at the top so yea...
Haven't been feeling as upbeat and awesome as of late, can't pinpoint why, *shrug*
Oh also, talked to Pagoda online about squatting got some tips which was cool :)

feeling shitty

At first I wasn't going to write this and I felt like writing this in a notebook and starting a journal (reading "Tales of a Punk Rock Nothing" make me wanna start a journal), but I decided fuck it, I mean no one reads this and the people who do I trust (yea I trust you, be flattered). Why do I feel shitty?
I think it's a combination of the following (in no particular order):
Feeling distant from Ithaca
Not being able to see Since because of shitty logistics
Not having the same crew of friends as in Montreal (I need to make some literally rad friends)
Having spent a night in jail and consequently not feeling the shoplifting thing as much and of course the general shittyness of that whole situation in general
Knowing that Ithaca is probably gonna start seeing someone (this I feel is stupid, I mean I gotta walk the walk if I talk the talk, I'm surprised this is even part the shit that's getting to me, I guess it's because the feeling distant is also here that it's getting to me)
Feeling lonely despite efforts to be social
I kinda just want someone to give me a huge hug and kiss and really mean it. I tried to cry but I can't, maybe gender socialization is deeply ingrained in me, maybe I'm just not sad enough to cry, I don't remember the last time I cried, is that healthy?
Hopefully I'll see Since later today and tell her about the shitty night in jail and cuddle in front of a movie and maybe do other things. If I can't contact her at 7 I'm gonna go to the Anarchist Black Cross to hang out there; meet people, make new friends, find people who might be down to garden in the squat garden. I gotta call Virgil and ask if he wants to work on it tomorrow. I should probably look at the bike messenger dude that Cipher's dad told me about.
I'm thinking I'll be less sad if I have work, but at the same time that's pretty shitty, it won't mean stuff is less shitty it just means I won't notice it as much, which is, you know, a great way to make the world a better place, just kinda stop seeing all the problems...
Maybe I got too used to Ithaca being around and making me feel good. In Montreal when I was seeing Pagoda and Ice Cream and Ithaca, I never dealt with stuff like this, I guess it just didn't come up. Iunno, I've always felt that poly was good for me because it kept me balanced, never too worried about any one relationship because I knew that at the end of the day there was always someone I could hold/who could hold me. Not that I don't want to be in any kind of invested relationship, that's not it, I really like what is going on with Ithaca and I, it's been since April that we've been seeing each other which is longer than I've ever been with anyone before and it's nice. There are ups and downs but they seem worth it. I feel as though I'm ranting, but not even sure what about...
I wanna squat a building, open a community center, never pay rent, do food not bombs, and generally spread what I consider to be anarchist alternatives to the shitty capitalist bull that's happening now. I mean it could totally be worse. I guess I'm just discouraged a bit from doing anything illegal because of the arrest, and the finger prints and the photos and the getting busted shoplifting it all took place to close to each other. I shoulda stole the map of Manhattan, I would of totally gotten away with it and it would've kept my theft-confidence up...
I'll see what's up with what...
writing this felt good, if you read this you're awesome I guess...

Shitty night and today

Before yesterday I went to see a concert in Central park with Wedge and another friend, but it sucked to we left. We were walking to Time Square to meet a friend. As we walked along 42nd street and long story short I got arrested for carrying a "gravity knife", which is apparently illegal. I spent the night in three cells. At around 7.30 PM yesterday I got out and I have to show up to court the 20th of September (that's great you know because it's not like I'm gonna be going to school in Montreal or anything...) Staying in jail is shitty. I went and hung out with Bigs and Wedge and some other friends the night I got out but I was super tired so I couldn't really enjoy it. Today I'm supposed to see Since and watch a movie which could be good times.
Talked to Ithaca and she's having a good time in Colorado. She might start seeing a guy there which is cool with me but is starting to feel shitty, I'll have to deal and I'll learn from it as well.
Wanna work on the squat garden more soon...