Biking to work, hanging with Ithaca and meeting anarchists

This week has had it's ups and downs since Saturday. Ithaca was here, she left this morning and I won't see her until the end of August, (we're going camping and then she's dropping me off in MTL while she brings her stuff home). Her being here was really cool, but I felt strange and was sad a lot because I felt that I liked her a lot more than she liked me (which of course wasn't the case), which happens I guess when you're thinking to much and not talking enough. Communication it's still a ridiculously important thing, for serious, if you interact with people learn to communicate well! What did we do? Food not Bombs, really really free market,bike around, hang out at bluestockings, read zines at ABC no Rio, read zines at home, yea I know, but believe me when I tell you that Ithaca isn't anarcho-punk, I guess she's just down like that.
I'm working now, :( I have a job. I work at the French Consulate. I make calls and look at papers and doing nothing interesting (except slack to read Evasion every now and then). I bike to work ('cept today because of rain and heat) which is the best part, I cover like 100 blocks in anywhere between 30 and 45 minutes including the Manhattan Bridge, so that's usually the funnest part about my work. I've decided that I'm only gonna buy vegetarian food, no money towards meat as of before yesterday I think or maybe it was Friday I decided either way though I'm not ready to only buy vegan, what about cheese you know?
Right now I'm waiting for food to arrive (yea I know, but hear me out, it's to early to dumpster, nothing to cook in the fridge and I'm not gonna start shoplifting hardcore from the supermarket across the street from my parents house, that's bad form), then I'll probably head to anarchist black cross to send out books and probably run into this guy I met there last time that also does food not bombs, he seems pretty chill and seems like the kinda guy I can count on to get into trouble doing anarchist stuff (read: wheatpaste). Also the Squat garden is progressing nicely.

Star Fucking Hipsters and arrivals

Went to an awesome show with Crisis and a friend of his, was a bunch of local bands (including the infamous) Star Fucking Hipsters. We moshed and skanked and moshed and skanked, until the music stopped. Afterward I went home on my bike hoping Ithaca would be back, she wasn't, but after maybe 15 or 30 minutes she walks into my room and I smiled. She'll probably be home by Tuesday which is soon which I think sucks but whatever.

Work and a show

I have a job!
I'll get paid a lot and I'll have something cool to put on my resume woop woop.
Now I get to bike from Brooklyn to 73rd street every weekday (and bike back home too).
I get to wear fancy formal clothes.
I can even sit in an office all day and hang with my two pals phone and computer, they're machines!
I'll never have to worry about what to do with all the time between 9AM and 5PM ever again (on a weekday, I dread the boredom I'll experience on the weekend).

I got a job at the French Consulate, I'm sure it won't be that bad.
I went and saw Yula Berri and the Extended Family tonight, it's "romantic punk" which sounds pretty awesome, kinda a mix of ska, punk, the Spin Doctors, horror movie sound tracks and a few elements I can not name.

Excited for Saturday, punk show with Cipher and Crisis (but no traveling in August with Cipher since I have work now), Ithaca gets back, and probably going clubbing :D

I got some books and stuff worked out

Crimethinc books came in the mail today, I got Off the Map, Evasion, Recipes for Disaster and some copies of Fighting for our Lives along with all the stickers, posters and other goodies that Crimethinc sends away with all their packages.
I couldn't really enjoy it though because I felt like complete and utter shit. Had talked to Ithaca online the night before and the conversation ended abruptly and badly. I felt terrible all morning and for the first time in I don't know how long I curled up and did nothing but cry. I sent way more emails than I received. In the end I went out and did stuff (only because I had to). Took my sister to the hair dresser, watered the squat garden and went to buy formal clothes with my mother for a job I might get.
Got back home and checked my mail. Ithaca had sent me a number where I could contact her and we talked, she knows how I feel, I know how she feels, things are back to normal. Not feeling like shit is pretty great I must say.

Hunting, eating and talking

Today was super awesome although a bit disheartening immediately before writing this.
Manhunt on governor's island. Was great fun, Shorty was there along with a bunch of other friends. We played a round in this old fort before getting kicked out, then played two rounds in a field. 'twas a blast. Caught lotsa people, got caught, ran around and even jumped over stuff. Talked to a friend from Capture the Flag and she's gonna take me to a show to hear some "romantic punk" music which is a new genre apparently, looking forward to a show. Left kinda early to go to Grub.
What is Grub? Grub is an awesome community dinner held twice monthly by an anarchist collective. Food is mostly dumpstered and mostly vegan. I picked up two zines and some food and everyone ate on the roof. At first I was slow in socializing and meeting people but I had told and hear a bunch of awesome stories by the end of the night. I traded phone numbers with people and hope to see them again. Biked home feeling happy (and super hot, because of the heat and my ridiculous social skills).
Got home talked to Ithaca online and she's unhappy, why you ask, from what I can tell the fact that I'm not very jealous or super shocked or something means that I'm either a robot or I don't give a shit. From what I can tell neither of those are true. Yea I'm usually detached, but that doesn't mean I don't care, maybe it means I'm a robot...
Iunno, we'll see.
:-/

Local, organic, mutual aid and travel

Went down to the garden about an hour ago to water the plants, a neighbor and her daughter saw us walking with the watering cans and came along to see how the garden was. She was telling us about getting grants and possibly buying the lot from the city or owner for $1 since it's been abandoned for years. After we finish watering it we're standing around talking and some guy rolls buy on a skate board and asks who's lot it is, it's a squat. He tells us he's down to help out and has a truck and experience and some people who would be down to help out which is cool. I passed him my number and later he called and we decided to set something up for later in the week. It's cool to just get help like that, visibility helps a lot I guess.
Also talked to Cipher a bit and we're gonna travel around a bit in August, set aside the 1st until the 20th. We want to do the Anarchy Summer Camp (http://selfdescribed.org/?p=447) and then do the Western Maryland Zine Fest (http://news.infoshop.org/article.php?story=20100607002621901) then come home. We'll probably hitch there and back. It's be cool to find some people heading there or back to NY though to make things easier but if it doesn't happen than whatever.

Dirt and glass

Hung out at home all morning, tried giving Virgil a call but he was asleep, never called back, whatever. Since told me last night to expect a call from her so we could meet up and hang out at the MoMA, but you know it's Since and all our plans seem to fall through...
Only one thing to do, go the squat garden with my sister. We moved out more debris, turned most of the earth and-
Wait, phone call from Since, basically: come to the MoMA, there's a documentary. Oooh okay, sounds like a plan.
Head home, remove sneakers, put tools away, wipe away some dirt, prepare to leave while explaining plan to my mother and she's sayin-
Wait phone call from Since, basically: the movie is full, umm iunno, yea ok I'll call you when it's over (I guess she's still in the movie...)
Return to the squat garden with plants and sister and water and mom and tools. Finish turning the earth. Make a pathway from discarded bricks and rocks, cut finger on glass, dig holes and plant things, add water, take picture, go home, half expect Since to give a call, eat dinner, stay upstairs and read a bit (the phone has reception there and you know Since might call :-/ ), lose patience and go down stairs, hope Ithaca is online, have to tell her about possible change in plans for the day she gets back, check random websites, get inspired to travel, send a message to Cipher about potential travel, read a bit more, write blog...
Here's a pic of the squat garden so far: except the uploader put it at the top so yea...
Haven't been feeling as upbeat and awesome as of late, can't pinpoint why, *shrug*
Oh also, talked to Pagoda online about squatting got some tips which was cool :)

Cancelled plans and free movies

Today's plan was as follows:
See Since
watch a movie together
cuddle
feel less shitty
Today actually happened as follows:
Call Since about once an hour until approximately 7, at which point I had decided that I'd leave to the Anarchist Black Cross and possibly meet up with Wedge at a party. So roll out on a bike to Anarchist Black Cross (ABC)and hang out there, spent most of the time there learning the basics of their set up and wrapping dictionaries in brown paper to send to prisoners. A guy showed up and told me that the ABC no Rio Food not Bombs was up and running which is good news to me (I'll go next next Sunday, this Sunday is Manhunt, hopefully Crisis will show up). When ABC ended I gave Wedge a call and asked about the party, he said it was dying and that they'd probably go see a movie (shit yo! movies cost money) I told him I'd show up, but that I was broke as fuck.
At the party we just talked and hung I recognized and conversed with a few familiar faces. Then we all got kicked out (time is up) and headed to some bar, hung out there for a while just kicking it (I still don't drink, straight edge since forever yo). After the bar people started heading toward the movie, I wanted to bounce at this point but was told we would see it FO FREE! so I stuck around. On the way to the theatre Since gave a call and apologized for standing me up which I told her was okay because I didn't sit around at home doing nothing anyway. Also on the way there I ran into some friends and one of them told me a cool place to get messenger work so I'll check that out. Got to the theatre, put our bikes inside because we're fancy like that (you know how we do on some VIP shit up in here, lol 'cept not) and walked into the room to watch Inception for free. It was an awesome movie, see it (I'm encouraging you to see it, not necessarily to pay for it). It's kinda a mind fuck throughout especially the ending, watch out.
Afterward just rode home while I was on the phone with my mom, riding mostly with no hands. Made me realize how fast I am, made it home in like ten minutes going slow with no hands, imagine how fast I would've been tearing it up with handle bar usage and no phone pressed to my ear!
Home now, gonna read some "Tales of a Punk Rock Nothing" which just came in the mail today or yesterday, I don't remember and then hit the sack. Also supposed to meet up with Since tomorrow and go to a museum, in the morning I'll probably work on the garden with Virgil if he's down. I'll see...

feeling shitty

At first I wasn't going to write this and I felt like writing this in a notebook and starting a journal (reading "Tales of a Punk Rock Nothing" make me wanna start a journal), but I decided fuck it, I mean no one reads this and the people who do I trust (yea I trust you, be flattered). Why do I feel shitty?
I think it's a combination of the following (in no particular order):
Feeling distant from Ithaca
Not being able to see Since because of shitty logistics
Not having the same crew of friends as in Montreal (I need to make some literally rad friends)
Having spent a night in jail and consequently not feeling the shoplifting thing as much and of course the general shittyness of that whole situation in general
Knowing that Ithaca is probably gonna start seeing someone (this I feel is stupid, I mean I gotta walk the walk if I talk the talk, I'm surprised this is even part the shit that's getting to me, I guess it's because the feeling distant is also here that it's getting to me)
Feeling lonely despite efforts to be social
I kinda just want someone to give me a huge hug and kiss and really mean it. I tried to cry but I can't, maybe gender socialization is deeply ingrained in me, maybe I'm just not sad enough to cry, I don't remember the last time I cried, is that healthy?
Hopefully I'll see Since later today and tell her about the shitty night in jail and cuddle in front of a movie and maybe do other things. If I can't contact her at 7 I'm gonna go to the Anarchist Black Cross to hang out there; meet people, make new friends, find people who might be down to garden in the squat garden. I gotta call Virgil and ask if he wants to work on it tomorrow. I should probably look at the bike messenger dude that Cipher's dad told me about.
I'm thinking I'll be less sad if I have work, but at the same time that's pretty shitty, it won't mean stuff is less shitty it just means I won't notice it as much, which is, you know, a great way to make the world a better place, just kinda stop seeing all the problems...
Maybe I got too used to Ithaca being around and making me feel good. In Montreal when I was seeing Pagoda and Ice Cream and Ithaca, I never dealt with stuff like this, I guess it just didn't come up. Iunno, I've always felt that poly was good for me because it kept me balanced, never too worried about any one relationship because I knew that at the end of the day there was always someone I could hold/who could hold me. Not that I don't want to be in any kind of invested relationship, that's not it, I really like what is going on with Ithaca and I, it's been since April that we've been seeing each other which is longer than I've ever been with anyone before and it's nice. There are ups and downs but they seem worth it. I feel as though I'm ranting, but not even sure what about...
I wanna squat a building, open a community center, never pay rent, do food not bombs, and generally spread what I consider to be anarchist alternatives to the shitty capitalist bull that's happening now. I mean it could totally be worse. I guess I'm just discouraged a bit from doing anything illegal because of the arrest, and the finger prints and the photos and the getting busted shoplifting it all took place to close to each other. I shoulda stole the map of Manhattan, I would of totally gotten away with it and it would've kept my theft-confidence up...
I'll see what's up with what...
writing this felt good, if you read this you're awesome I guess...

Shitty night and today

Before yesterday I went to see a concert in Central park with Wedge and another friend, but it sucked to we left. We were walking to Time Square to meet a friend. As we walked along 42nd street and long story short I got arrested for carrying a "gravity knife", which is apparently illegal. I spent the night in three cells. At around 7.30 PM yesterday I got out and I have to show up to court the 20th of September (that's great you know because it's not like I'm gonna be going to school in Montreal or anything...) Staying in jail is shitty. I went and hung out with Bigs and Wedge and some other friends the night I got out but I was super tired so I couldn't really enjoy it. Today I'm supposed to see Since and watch a movie which could be good times.
Talked to Ithaca and she's having a good time in Colorado. She might start seeing a guy there which is cool with me but is starting to feel shitty, I'll have to deal and I'll learn from it as well.
Wanna work on the squat garden more soon...

The Beginnings of a Squat Garden

Today I started the squat garden I wanted to start. I tried calling a few people to come help out but only Virgil showed up which is fine with me. We grabbed some gloves and gardening things that I found in my laundry room and went to the spot. It was full of trash, much more than I had realized, we started filling up a trash bag...
We used the old bricks to "fence" off an area that would be the garden and also a small area to the side to be a compost pile. We pulled weeds and removed the roots before composting them, moved rocks and wood, we tried to level the garden floor a bit, we'll need to use the stones and sticks for that, with some earth from the part of the lot we haven't started yet. After it started to get dark we went home, made a squatter flag, went back, tied it to an adjacent fence and then left for good. I'm excited to keep working on the garden in the future.

Long weekend

This weekend was good times, 'cept Friday which was pretty boring; had planned to hang out with Since, but she flaked. Saturday was good times, I stayed home in the morning and ordered some books I wanted online (crimethinc stuff mostly). Afterward I headed into Park Slope to a friend's block party where I hung out with friends. We went to an arcade for a bit and then back to the block party. My friends Bigs and Wedge had come by then and all three of us went to a party after stopping by Cipher's house to pick him up to come with us as well, (his dad gave me some good info about bike messengers).
At the party it was pretty standard, not much of any interest, the host and a lot of her guests were lesbian (which is fine in my book) but that group kept to themselves a lot and so I hung with Bigs and Wedge and a few people I knew and the groups didn't mix much :(
As the night grew old various party things happened: people made out, someone puked, someone passed out, people enjoyed greasy food, people played drinking games etc...
A bunch of us went to go sleep at a friends house to finish the night.
Brunch in the morning at a dinner, tabled a huge meal, pancakes, potatoes, waffles, French toast, was almost queasy from how much I ate. Hung out in Barnes and Nobles, I contemplated stealing a map of Manhattan but decided I'd only do it if I got a job as a bike messenger. Me bigs and Wedge went to Prospect and cut towards the front of the line to a concert. While we were waiting for the gates to open some guy tried to be smooth and cut in by befriending a group of young people behind us. This one girl was ICE cold and totally ragged on him until he came to us and saw that we really didn't care so he suck with us. He stuffed beer into his pants and was generally humorous. The concert itself stretched on forever, Talib Kweli, The Roots, and a bunch of bands under the banner of OK Africa performed. Unfortunately Talib only did maybe 5 minutes of performing, the Roots however were awesome so that was good. The problem was that most of the OK Africa were boring as fuck so waiting for the good acts was lame.
Left the concert and hopped on my bike and rode home.
Talked with Ithaca online a bit and now I'm writing this and of course reading anarchist propaganda...

Free books and other DIY projects

Today I made a squatter symbol patch and scanned in and uploaded the book "Off the Map" (which you should read). I'm planning on starting a guerrilla garden not far from where I am, but I'm not sure what to plant, I can plant beautiful stuff or food. For food I'm not too sure about the soil quality so I'd have to check that out, but it would be nice to have free plant food for everyone to take. The beautiful option would show people that there's potential in vacant land and that kind of thing, but isn't as utilitarian in the end.
I feel like wheatpasting some more also so I'll have to print and copy some posters I like and get to that.
Read and/or download "Off the Map" here:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/34137454/Off-the-Map
Share it and upload to other sites and all that, if you're afraid of copyright stuff, don't worry this book isn't copywritten...

Departure and Detainment

Today Ithaca left next NY, she'll be back a bit in about two weeks. We spent the morning in the house and then hit Manhattan to get a gift for her friend in Colorado (where she'll be the two coming weeks), we went to the whole foods market after reading a bit in Bluestockings. Afterward we went to Union Square and went to the whole foods there to get some food for her trip and for lunch. On the way out I was carrying Ithaca's shoulder bag and she had her backpack, she was a bit behind me and I heading out alone. After I breached the doors I was confronted by two men who barred my path with their bodies...
Long story short they found some food in my pockets and in a lot in Ithaca's bag and gave me a criminal trespass warning, so I'm not supposed to be in any whole foods again, Ithaca to apparently but they didn't take her picture and write down her (false info).
Luckily my lunch wasn't found, neither was the birthday gift I got for Ithaca or the things we took from the other whole foods :).
We ate (free) lunch in the park at Union and then just hung around until we met up with Ithaca's friend hung at a bar a bit and then I left Ithaca at the subway where she headed to her bus. Have fun in Colorado.
In terms of slutiness, we made an agreement; I can see Since and we can have sex but I can't go down on her, also I can't have sex with people I haven't known for less than 24 hours, we also agreed that I'd keep Ithaca up to date on what I'm up to in terms of being a slut. I told Ithaca I'm fine with her doing what she wants as long as she is safe and doesn't feel pressured into it, fuck letting people take advantage of you. I didn't tell her I'd like to know about what she does in terms of being a slut, but I'll send her an email about that afterward probably. I know jealousy a bit more now and it's a shitty feeling but with the distance and time gap I don't think I'll suffer any negative repercussions if Ithaca decides to mess around.
Also I might become a bike messenger soon and last night Ithaca got a pretty cool edgy hair cut :D

graves, food and parks among other things

Before yesterday was a day all about cheap food. Took Ithaca and a friend that's staying here to see DUMBO, where we dumpstered some (read: a lot) of pita bread at a bakery. After checking DUMBO a bit we headed to the lower east side to go to Bluestockings but ended up in wholes foods where I grabbed some all purpose soap and some cream for Ithaca's skin, she bought some hummus and lemonade, we went to the park nearby and had a picnic thing while we watched people playing basketball. I started to feel a bit strange at this point but I wasn't too sure why...
After foods we hit bluestockings and then went to my mom's friend's place to talk and hang out a bit, there I realized I was feeling strange but wasn't too sure why. We left after a bit and went to get bubble tea and Chinese food, I didn't buy anything but was able to table dive a soup and a whole order of noodles from a table nearby, after seeing me table the soup and noodles a girl nearby passed me a dumpling which was pretty awesome :D.
The whole ride home I thought about why I was feeling weird and settled various thoughts in my head while Ithaca and my mom and our friend talked in the kitchen. Everyone split up and I told Ithaca I wanted to tell her things in private at some point. She joined me a bit later and I explained to her that I felt jealous of her and our friend, not for any particular reason other than the way he carries himself and the atmosphere that hung around us at my mother's friend's place, Ithaca was stroking our friend's hair while leaning on me, which my mom's friend commented on, somewhat poking at the idea that we were a triad or having threesomes which Ithaca jokingly agreed with.
"Feel no guilt in your desire" I say this all the time whether it's about sexual preference or polyamory or whatever, and I explained that in the end I thought it would be totally okay if Ithaca did like our friend or if they had a history or anything like that but I felt uncomfortable not knowing what has happening. It turns out that nothing is happening in between them (despite a few sexual jokes and comments on his behalf that made me feel uncomfortable because they were about Ithaca) and what I interpreted as sexual tension was nothing, that's just the way he carries himself. I felt reassured and relieved. I feel it was the fact that I didn't know how Ithaca was feeling that bugged me more than the idea that she might like/be involved with/want to experiment with someone else.
Yesterday we all rolled into park slope, We checked out the food coop and got a tour. On the way out I ran into my yoga teacher from high school, she's going to start teaching martial arts and no longer teaches yoga to youth, she teaches adults with mental disabilities now, I wanna check out her martial arts class and see her again because she recently visited China and I'd like to hear about that.
Afterward we headed to the library and dropped Ithaca there and rolled around the park. we stopped twice; once to sneak into a cemetery (which went smoothly, except that we got spotted by a park worker but he was on the other side of the fence and didn't catch us) and once to read books by the water. We left after reading a bit and found Ithaca in the library and went home, watched The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and just hung around the house.
Today was alright too, woke early and went to the beach, our friend spent the day doing his own thing, he went to the MoMA and hung with a friend of his in Manhattan. After the beach I went to a friend's birthday in the park and hung there while Ithaca stayed home and then accompanied my sister on her "date" (she's been flipping out about this French guy that's visiting NY and staying at his grandmother's/my mom's friend's place). A bit into the "date" Ithaca sent a text saying she felt like a third wheel and I should come by, I stayed a bit longer at the park and then headed to meet them all near Union Square. Once there it was the same thing, sit around in Union, steal from Whole Foods, walk around alla that. Came home after that, where I am now.